Can you still be a good parent if you are naturally a selfish bastard?

I’m so lucky generally on this blog, the people who read it are lovely and kind and supportive, but you always get the odd few nasty comments. I’m too old now to care much about what other people think but this is a little piece about why I think its OK, or even important, to be able to occasionally bitch about parenthood…

An Ode To Honesty

Some people they may look at me,
All that’s sitting in my lap.
And I see why my grumbles taunt them,
If in their arms, there’s still a gap.

Others like to hear a tale,
With a rosy tinted hue.
But where’s the story going,
If the words we speak aren’t true?

Perhaps some find it simpler,
Embrace the change without a hitch,
But you can’t dip your toe in parenthood,
You can’t stay a selfish bitch.

If I say I shout, I lose the plot,
That some days feel like a chore.
If I say I’ve wondered what would be,
If I couldn’t do this any more.

Would you judge me harshly,
Would you like me to feel small?
Can’t you see that I’m the one,
I judge, the worst of all.

For the truths the struggle, is the love,
It’s oh so huge to place.
It shows in the consuming guilt,
That’s written on my face.

Have you ever wished your life away,
Is that something people hide?
Would you prefer we kept things bottled up,
Should we bury them inside?

You see If I’m being honest,
When at times things seem quite bleak,
I’m sure it’s best to share, to laugh,
I’m sure it’s best to speak.

Not everyone will get it,
But please don’t go questioning my love.
There’s nothing more than these sweet faces,
That I, am prouder of.

So I’ll gladly let you read my words,
And I’ll listen If you moan,
For the danger lies within,
Those thinking they’re alone.

wine2

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P.S. I have TWO books out now! You can nab them on Amazon here or in all good bookshops and supermarkets :)

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33 thoughts on “Can you still be a good parent if you are naturally a selfish bastard?

  1. Jenny

    Best poem ever written and I truly think everyone should read this and it’s so true. Our blogs are there to share our experiences too and help us not feel like we are the only ones going through tough times, or phases or whatever. Those that judge out loud are only jealous or hiding something within. Glad you ignore them. You are too brilliant to ever stop doing what you do so well Katie. Love this.

    Reply
  2. Hannah

    This is a great poem and so true I’ve thought all of these things! Oh and Erm I’m a selfish basterd and I’m also a good parent ;-)

    Reply
  3. Lauren | Belle du Brighton

    HA! I am definitely a very selfish person, I mean I don’t mind shring my life with these two little bundles of joy (or puke/snot/screaming banshees) but it would be nice once in a while to be completely honest when someone asks how I am instead of saying ‘fine thanks, and you?’

    Reply
  4. Californian Mum in London

    Totally fab! The post I wrote this morning shows me, as a parent, in a bad light. But it is true. I was afraid to write it. But as parent we are allowed to complain. It is not easy to raise kids. Yes, we are lucky to have them. But we can also want to run away from them sometimes. x

    Reply
    1. Gemma

      Fantastic poem and so true! I love my son massively and would do anything for him but parenthood is all consuming and it’s not a surprise that we feel we might crack up when we have very little me time. I can’t for a second believe that every parent doesn’t feel like this at times!

      Reply
  5. Life at the Little Wood

    Aww Katie, this is so lovely! And so true too! You always just hit the nail perfectly on the head. We all feel crappy, and inadequate and at the end of our tether sometimes. There’s solidarity in laughing about it, or crying together. Or gin. :) xx

    Reply
  6. Carie

    I think you hit the nail on the head – no one should ever doubt we love these children of ours – but it’s still always OK to grouch to your husband if you got weed on – again.

    Reply
  7. Mummy Tries

    Utterly brilliant Katie! I wholeheartedly agree. We must be honest about parenting, otherwise it will make us miserable. You have the right attitude – ignore the nay sayers and don’t feed the trolls. Keep on keeping on. You are awesome xx

    Reply
  8. Leigh - Headspace Perspective

    Hi Katie, we must be honest in our blogs, and that includes being honest about parenting. Life – whether or not you are a parent – can never be all rosy. Sadly. You have a real gift for creating those very funny, yet touching stick people cartoons. Ignore the haters – some people like moaning for the sake of moaning. I don’t understand why people go to effort to be mean. Just this week I had someone tweet me to tell me to stop wallowing in self-sympathy. I don’t remember asking for their opinion! xxxx

    Reply
  9. Suzanne3childrenandit

    I will never understand why some people feel the need to gloss over the truth and say everything is rosy all the time – “Oh I never felt like that when mine were little, I just relished every moment”. 1. That cannot be true; and 2. Those kind of words destroy the other mother who is just about keeping it together. Honesty rocks! x

    Reply
  10. Jeni Dibley-Rouse

    I say we have got to say how it is otherwise we will all go insane thinking we are the only ones, there are times when I re read the letter to postman pat post as it makes me laugh so much especially when we have had a rough day. Thanks for making me laugh x

    Reply
  11. Carry On Katy

    Lush poem!
    I totally agree
    I’d rather hear honesty any day of the week.
    Your posts are fablas. And to this day I still chuckle at the “it’s scabbed over bitches” comment/cartoon.
    Oh, and I had chicken pox for two straight weeks here. And when the scabs came and went, we then got impetigo. Waiting for those bastard scabs to appear now.
    This is reality! And if we don’t laugh at it, we will all implode!x

    Reply
  12. Mandy Charlton

    Been there, had a 7 year old, 16 month old and a baby, used to think I would never sleep again, would never smell of perfume instead of baby sick and there’d be occasion where they would all go batshit crazy and I’d wonder what the feck I was doing with my life. I still have days like that now that they’re 18, 11 and 12 but it’s a whole different ballgame and they shout that they hate me much more often. Sometimes they’re lovely though and we’ve had the best adventures and you just have to hold on to the good moments on the dark days!

    Reply
  13. Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper

    Brilliant Katie, and oh so true. I love my two little people more than anything in the world, but my god can they be hard work at times! I’ve had people give me horrified looks when I’ve said this before but it’s true, and it doesn’t help anyone to pretend otherwise! x

    Reply
  14. HonestMum

    Every word lady, you are brilliant, wise and hilariously funny (I see an imminent book deal in your future and world success) and your work is oh so needed, parenting can be tough and finding others who are honest and also offer humour to help us survive the bad times, is crucial, and healthy too. Thanks for being so flipping amazing and adding so much to so many of us. As creatives there will always, always, sadly be hate, envy and a general misunderstanding of writer’s goals and lives. I have to say it doesn’t hurt me if others don’t get me, focus on you and those that do (the arts and that of course includes blogging are subjective), brush yourself off as I know you already have, worry about you and your family and not those who are simply projecting their own insecurities and inadequacies onto you. Keep shining xx

    Reply
  15. Emily Whitehouse

    Every new mum should be told about your blog. It’s invaluable. I’m sure you must have helped so many mums when they were feeling shit about themselves. Your blog is a lifesaver. Keep up the bloody good work Katie. I have cried with laughter so many times. So good for the soul. x

    Reply

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