So we went camping at the weekend and as we went with several other families there were 17 kids in total between us! *laughs manically* Anyway I just though I’d give you a debrief in case you were thinking of making a similar
1. It will take you approximately 5 hours to pack your car for a two night stay and you will have had 37 different arguments before even leaving the house.
2. When you arrive at the camp site you will feel optimistic, capable and ready to face anything – just like Bear Grylls!
3. You will feel slightly less like Bear Grylls when the Sainsbury’s driver arrives delivering essential supplies of prosecco, halloumi and minted lamb kebabs.
4. You will feel more like what you actually are – a middle class twat on a camping trip.
5. You will have loads of nice food to eat but the children will exist entirely on a diet of crisps and Capri-Sun.
6. There will be so much to do! Make a list so you don’t forget anything…
7. It will be so lovely to see the kids being at one with nature (pissing against the trees and hitting each other with sticks) that it will seem like a good idea to let them stay up long past bedtime. They should sleep in later the next day so it will be fine!
9.YAWN. Even Rave Bear gets tired eventually. Time to say goodnight. Oops… did you forget you had to sleep in a tent rather than your comfy cosy bed? *sad face*
10. You have a lovely blow up mattress but you will fall/get kicked off it in the middle of the night and sleep pushed up to the lining of the tent on top of a spikey rock.
11. You will wake up at 3am and really need a wee but be too cold
and drunk to find the toilet. You will feel very glad you bought the kids potty…
FYI I would certainly never do this I just imagine some people might.
12. Despite going to bed 3 hours later than usual your kids will wake up at 4.30am because of the BASTARD SUN.
13. You will momentarily want to be dead.
14. But you will power on because CAMPING IS FUN! You will all enjoy the nature walk if it kills you.
15. You will watch your kids running, playing, getting filthy dirty and enjoying doing everything that kids should do and you will feel all warm and fuzzy and happy.
16. Well done for being such an excellent parent! Please proceed home to enjoy some lovely, lovely technology.
17. And laundry.