We are going through a bit of a hard time in our family right now. It came out of nowhere and knocked us for six. It all started a few days ago, a sight so terrifying we were left quaking in our bed socks…

What’s the one thing more scary that being woken up in the middle of the night by an axe wielding mad man? Yup – seeing a toddler who has learnt to climb out of his cot.

You see I’m not one of those parents who is all up for their kid hitting milestones as soon as possible. TBH I’d been hoping the cage, I mean COT, would be sticking around for a while longer. But alas it was not to be.

So with the choice taken out of our hands and a Google for Velcro bedding or cots with lids proving fruitless, we had but one choice left *cries a bit* – A BIG BOY BED.

Continue reading →

Usually in our household, if either me or J has a hangover we are nice to the other one, fully understanding how horrible it is to be hungover whilst around noisy, bouncy children.

But if you, for example, said you were going to be back by 11ish, missed all your trains, neglected to think about the fact someone else might be waiting up worrying you were dead in a ditch, and then turned up home at lunchtime the next day, you might find that sympathy levels were a little bit thin on the ground.

Oops.

I did phone at 1am! But apparently that was a bit late in the day – time just seems to go so fast in the pub doesn’t it?!

And The Trainline app with it’s ‘where are you going?’ and ‘what time are you leaving?’ interrogations is such a bloody killjoy after you’ve had a couple of drinks.

Anyway the crux of it was that I not only had a hangover to deal with but a guilt ridden hangover. The unspoken form or atonement was to assume role of chief childcare provider for the remainder of the day (ouch).

Continue reading →

Are you finding it difficult to control a wilful child? Are you fed up with buying parenting book after parenting book and still feeling like an utter twat? Would you like to bitch slap super nanny into the middle of next week?

Then why not try…

Parenting With Biscuits promises you happy, compliant and flexible children with a simple ‘Just Add Biscuits’ (#JAB) approach.

• Won’t let you brush their hair  #JAB
• Feeling too sick to go to school #JAB
• Refusing to get in the buggy/car #JAB
• Doing a wee wee dance but saying they don’t need the toilet? #JAB
• Repeatedly singing ‘Let it Go’ in an irritating American accent? #JAB

Still a little confused? Don’t worry, the world is made up of people with varying intelligence levels. We answer your stupid FAQs here:

Q: My kids whine all the time and it does my head in. What should I do?
A: Stick biscuits in their gobs.

Continue reading →

Day 1

Text from husband…

(We sometimes text using only emojis and no words because it is honestly quite funny but I realise it does sound a bit sad if you say it out loud and maybe even worse if you write it down on the internet).

Anyway turns out he means the littlest has chickenpox, tenuous at best. Never mind I am in London seeing friends. Not my problem.

Day 2

Who cares i’m in LONDON still! :)

Day 3 – Subtitle: THE DAY OF NO SLEEP

Back home now and S seems mostly ok in himself. That is until bedtime when he decides to forego sleep in place of thrashing about like a wild animal.

The only thing that calms him down is Fireman Sam. How long do you think a 2 year old would be able to stay up watching Netflix?

Yes I was surprised too.

Continue reading →

***Based on a TRUE story involving REAL toys***

Continue reading →

To my biggest boy,

When you were born a little over four years ago you were bang on the 50th centile in both height and weight. I used to joke you were Mr. Average which would raise a few glances because no one wants to be average do they? Well I don’t know, it’s always suited me rather well.

And now here we are, about 10 seconds later, and you are starting school. Being just a few weeks past your 4th birthday you will perhaps become Mr. Below Average in many ways. A little smaller, a little sillier, a little less able to get your wee in the toilet bowl. It might take you a little longer to do things, you might not always understand.

Please remember that none of that stuff matters. Don’t ever let it. We have no aspirations for you other than to make friends and be happy. Everything else that is good in life is just a by-product of those things.

Continue reading →

The weekend before last we all went to the park, It’s a pretty typical weekend activity for us if we have nothing planned. F particularly wanted to ride his birthday bike as has been the case pretty much continuously since we got it; fair enough.

As we were leaving J quickly grabbed a spanner on the off chance that he might fancy taking the stabilisers off. I was dubious, thinking it best he spend a bit more time getting used to pedalling first, being a balance bike fan pedals were still a very new concept to him.

I took the littlest to the play park and five minutes later I looked up to see F riding sans stabilisers as if he barely had to put any effort in. His little face beaming with excitement, like his whole world had suddenly expanded.

Continue reading →