A ‘relaxing’ bath


On one morning over the weekend I like to have a nice relaxing bath. All going to plan this involves lots of bubbles, a cup of coffee from the machine with actual frothy milk and the Guardian weekend magazine.

However it very rarely goes to plan.

Pretty much as soon as i sink into the bubbles I hear the sound of elephant feet pounding up the stairs and a booming voice in the distance.

‘F where are you going, please stay down here. I told you Mummy is trying to have a nice bath’

‘But I just have to talk to her about something Daddy. It’s important!’

[Elephant feet recommence and grow steadily louder – enter eldest son]

‘Mummy I just need to talk to you about something!’

‘Ok, whats that?’

‘Um, um, um…Do you think Lightning McQueen or Francesco Bernoulli is the fastest?’


‘Yep me too! Oh…do you need some toys in there Mummy?’

‘No thanks’

‘But you’ve got nothing to play with! I’ll just put some boats in for you and, and do you want the fireman Sam that transforms into a fire engine in too?

‘No thanks’

[Various toys are chucked into the bath]

‘Mummy how far do you think you could thrown Thomas the Tank Engine? Could you hit the taps with him’

‘We don’t throw inside do we?’

‘Do you want me to wash your hair Mummy?’


[Shampoo is applied generously before he proceeds to whack me on the top of the head three times]

‘There you go, nice and clean and smelling nice!’

‘Thank you’

‘Mummy did you know your legs make a good boat launcher?’


‘Yes, I’ve had that said a few times’

‘Mummy, can you lift your bum up Mummy? I think Thomas might be under it’

[Thomas is retrieved]

‘Here you go’

‘Submarines are really cool aren’t they Mummy?’

‘SO cool’

‘Mummy why don’t mans have boobies?’


I don’t even know why I bother describing baths as relaxing anymore, they should just be called ‘random wet harassment with sharp bits’.

Although to be honest I’m not entirely sure which version I prefer, I might just be keener on the company than i let on.



P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)


21 thoughts on “A ‘relaxing’ bath

  1. Notmyyearoff

    Hahahaaaa I could have written this. I’m convinced my hubby doesn’t try that hard to keep z downstairs. Once he’s upstairs it’s all “can you give me more water in this? Shall I help you? I need a wee/poo” etc

  2. Wendy at Tots

    My idea of fab bath: very very hot, bubbles and loud music.
    .. …I’ve been in the bath 5 mins: Smaller child arrives, gets in with me, complains it’s too hot, washes and gets out. Then second child arrives, gets in, complains it’s too hot, washes and gets out.
    Hubby arrives, dries children, gets in the bath, complains it’s too hot, complains the music is too loud. I wash and get out. (yes we do have a very big bath at ours…)

    1. Katie Post author

      I was just about to say wow you must have a big bath when I read your last line! Sound um, fun in your house! X

  3. Olivia

    This all sounds very familiar! Yesterday my little boy came barging into the bathroom and insisted he needed a pee right away, while I was still having a pee! He went round behind me and found the gap and took a pee at the same time as me! I was just laughing and saying no! No! No! You can’t do that!! Oh gawd.. And he starts school next week. :-0

  4. Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper

    You’re a brave woman for attempting a morning bath- I feel tense in anticipation of forced bathroom entry anytime before 7pm! If one actually happens, it’s usually interrupted by “Mummeeeeeeeeeey, I need a POO!” just as I’ve sunk into the bloody thing :-)

  5. Mummy Says

    Laughing out loud here and risking waking up the baby! Love that you try and do this every week. One day lovely, I’m sure it will work out for you! Until then, enjoy being that boat launcher (hehehehe) xxx


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