Of late we have had quite a bad run of luck in our household which has included a car crash that was not my fault probably my fault, the boiler packing in and the cat starting to randomly shit behind the TV (again).
On top of this the Gro Clock that i used to worship at the alter of, seems to have malfunctioned. The sun now winks at me mockingly each bedtime as if to say ‘lol – you’ll be lucky!’ and the moon needs that smug, self-satisfied smirk wiping right off his stupid round face.
Too tired to do much else we permit the older one into bed with us as long as he abides by the rules of no whinging for milk, kicking, or conversing until 6am. Of course he oscillates wildly between each, often breaching all three simultaneously.
The conversation is always the most difficult to block out as he seems to store up incredibly curious quips to tempt me from my slumber. On Saturday in particular, he had a proper gem:-
[To set the scene – It’s too early in the morning, the boy has been in our bed irritating me for some time. His father sleeps, largely oblivious, as per fricking usual]
‘Mummy your arms are………….so………..expensive looking’
Oooh clever.
Although i try to suppress it, a smile spreads across my face. I’m not quite sure what he even means but i guess if my arms look like they cost more than other peoples that can only be a good thing right?
I start thinking about my arms.
Well they could be a lot more toned for sure but i guess they are not soooo bad, I wonder what sort of price tag they might command….
I check my phone, it’s now 5.45am.
I should continue to ignore him but this strange, nonsensical compliment has started to tickle my vanity. I reason, If not now, when else am i ever going to have the opportunity to discuss how ‘expensive looking‘ my arms are?
Casually i ask ‘Oh you think? What makes them look so expensive then?’
‘CAN I HAVE MY MILK NOW??’
Alas, all of 3 seconds later, the moment is lost and he commences being irritating again.
I ponder the very real possibility that he has simply strung together a sentence based on random mutterings he has overheard; noting that i opt for ‘expensive looking’ things in place of the expensive things i cannot afford. Sigh.
But i choose not to dwell on this as i stumble downstairs to pour milk on the wrong side of morning; for today my upper limbs are ‘extra special’, of the ‘finest‘ variety! If you were to eat them you would probably be able to ‘taste the difference‘. Life is good.
And the boy…..well he lives to see another day.
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P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)
Haha, he’s so witty!
Seems you’ll be hearing lots of gems the years to come.
(these drawings are really captivating although a bit ghastly :)
Oh the joy!! ;)
Am really enjoying the ghastly drawings lol x
Agggh snookered by a kid, happens to the best of us x
ha ha much cleverer than you expect huh!
Honestly Katie your posts just made me laugh out loud. Which isn’t cool cause LL is upstairs asleep and I am alone sat on the sofa. If anyone could see me they would suggest perhaps I wasn’t capable of looking after small people. ;)
Ahh thanks Katie :) I think if anyone read my blog they would thing i wasn’t capable of looking after small people!
A really great post! They do catch us with the greatest lines.
hee hee thanks lovely x
Who needs heating when you have aspirational arms?? I think that would be pretty much all the complimenting I needed to get me through the day!
I’m still flying high days later lol :)
Not often a post makes me chuckle out loud. Clever boy :)
:)) glad you liked it – thanks Helen x
Oh man that’s a good one. I hear a lot of adorable compliments that come before 5 am but I’ve never heard that one. Perhaps my arms don’t look expensive? :(
Oh i’m sorry – perhaps you could ask tonight?? I will keep my fingers crossed for you :)
I love this! They are completely ridiculous and charming at the same time aren’t they? The other day I got “Mummy, you have BOOTIFUL ears!” Well, I’ll take that I guess. Brilliant post, and thanks so much for linking up xx
This is great! My twins ask to go visit the granny and granda who are only a little bit fat (after they were told not to call them fat). The drawings are great too. I’ve submitted an article about blogging mummies to the Irish parenting magazine Mums and tots. Your blog is included as one of my favourite :0)
Oh that’s too funny Olivia – brutal honesty at its best!
And thank you so much for including me in your article – truly touched! Please let me know when it comes out xx
Of course I had to tell my parents and they cracked up laughing :0)) Magazine should be out around beginning of March, but I’ll put it up on my blog and do links to all the blogs in the article.
Good job they saw the funny side!! :) And that would be fab, i will keep an eye out. Thanks so much again, so kind of you xxx
Yes, just as well they are not overly sensitive!
You’re very welcome. Your blog is very funny and witty. I wish it was mine! :0)
Hmm… Well if its prices per pound of bingo wing mine are fucking priceless! :)
You may just have a very smart little boy there! Sounds a bit like he’s messing with your mind – either that, or he realises that flattery can achieve many things. Funny!
Oh no, your boy certainly knows how to compliment women at such an early age! I hear trouble … Hope no one was hurt in that car accident which wasn’t your fault of course and that your luck ticks back in :)
This really made me laugh. My (almost) five year old comes out with random things such as this so I say, take the compliment. I’m sure your arms are damn fine and he was right to point it out…just maybe not quite so early in the morning ;) xx
Ha ha ha! You have to love the randomness they come out with!
Ha!Random and funny – the best way ;)
OK this actually made me lol in the real sense of the word! Your little chap is a clever one alright….and your husband needs a kick up the proverbial – how do men ALWAYS seem to manage to sleep through it all?!
I don’t even know!! I am so jealous, i am such a light sleeper!
They are sneaky little bed (and sleep) stealing machines, aren’t they?! But they do provide the best laughs and the biggest smiles too. Love this post.
They are indeed and you are right its a good job they provide (some) amusement too!
Love it! 5.45. ouch! sounds painful :-)
It was actually 4.50am when he first came in!!
Double ouch! Please tell me he’s always done that and its not something we have ahead of us! Hope it stops soon hun xx
ha no he hasn’t! Actually last night he slept till 7.30 so its not an every night thing – luckily!!
Laugh out loud funny (I spelt it out – how old fashioned!) – perhaps this has some connection to him trying to saw off your legs the other day?? I’d be slightly worried if I were you! ;)
I am worried!!!! Scared to sleep at the moment ;))
Hahaa you do have one very smart boy there and obviously very observant to notice your elegant and pricey arms. And how the heck do men manage to sleep through everything?? Mine constantly asks “what time did he get in bed with us this morning?” Even when he’s the one that put him in!!
Same Tas – so bloody annoying isn’t it! Even if he gets up he managed to fall asleep the minute he gets back into bed grr.
That’s hilarious! I would take it to mean that you have arms like Jennifer Aniston – well done you! Ha ha x
haha you do make me laugh! expensive looking arms indeed – check you out! But it was the fact that when you went to ask what he meant, he was all about the milk again lol! brilliant x
I love when they something that completely does away with all restrictions you’ve set for them and yourself.
What a clever boy! He’s got you WRAPPED around his finger. Love the drawing too (a bit jealous)
I love the idea of expensive looking arms!
Love this – soooooo funee
That’s really cute, I was told last week that I had squidgy arms & bones that fit!
Funny boy
Now that’s a serious compliment – not everyone has expensive looking arms, especially at 5.45!!
HAHA! I never even knew I wanted expensive looking arms but now I kind of do! Cherry comes into our bed sometimes when she wakes stupidly early and oh my gosh it’s annoying! Last time she kept fiddling with this silly little box full of crap resulting in me and Mr C taking it turns to threaten to chuck it across the room! x
I cannot wait to meet you in person and look at your arms. You lucky thing. *off to study arms and decide how cheap they look*