Instagram Baby
(An ode to subsequent children)
You’re an Instagram baby, he was DSLR;
There are times when you’re not properly strapped in the car.
We binned all the books that suggested routines,
And we ditched the organic and fed you baked beans.
You’re wearing your brother’s shoes, I’m not sure if they fit,
And your white cotton vests are stained with his sh*t.
I may take twice as long to respond when you cry,
But I’m much less inclined to worry you’ll die.
I’m the first to admit we’ve let sterilising slide
And I’d wager your milk’s left too long on the side.
I’ve been a crap mum if I’m telling the truth,
Someone else noticed when you cut your first tooth.
Your first ‘art’ from nursery? I may have had to fake it,
Your handmade birthday bunting? I couldn’t be f*cked to make it.
Its not that you’re second best, I’m just all out of time,
And my evenings are strictly reserved for nice wine.
So our love for you might not be evidence based,
The minimal photos were taken in haste.
But see Instagram baby, who needs DSLR’s?
The proof can be found at the core of our hearts.
**************
P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)
What a fantastic poem… A lot of my friends with more than one will definitely relate to that!
Thanks lovely :) x
Ha ha. – so true!
Cute cute cute picture! And very funny poem, Katie – so true! You totally deserve to go through to the final, best of luck! xx
Ha ha!!! Your poem is fabulous…and all so true! And I definitely agree with the line about the evenings being reserved for nice wine!
What else is their to do after bedtime?! ;) x
I love you a little bit more after this post x
Ahhh mwah xx
Ha! Katie, I absolutely love this. So true. x
aces bab! ACES! x
A brilliant post as always Katie. Pretty much sums up the situation with our two as well! X
Glad it’s not just me! Thanks Kiran x
Aww, so funny and so, so sweet! Love it, as always, Katie! Xx
Oh that made me giggle – so very true isn’t it – despite our best intentions!
Ha loved this!!! Made me giggle xxx #badmumsclub
Fabulous Katie! And so true…you can only imagine what my poor no 5 endures :-)
Oh I love this! I think most kids are Instagram Baby nowadays! x
Love this – and oh so true too! We were much the same with our two, and with the third I have to keep reminding ourselves that photos aren’t just for birthdays and special occasions too!
You actually take pictures of the third?! Wow good parents ;)
Fantastic poem! I stopped at one kid, but I’ve seen parents around me with their first, and then the amazing differences with their 2nd! LOL.
Haha this is fantastic!!’ We have 50 bajillion photos of little z. I wonder what our second will be like.
love this. It’s apt for the second child…the third needs a whole new ode. But it would probably attract the attention of social services!
Fabulous poem! Sad but true for the second child – my post laments the same problem! x #BadMumsClub
Haha brilliant as usual. I actually think you are now my most favourite blogger.
Ahhh thanks Kelly what an accolade!!:) x
Yeah, no pressure or anything!
I won’t be able to sleep now…I might have to start running my drafts by you first for approval!
Haha! X
This is unbelievably BRILLIANT!! Especially love the line about vests being stained with shit – bloody hilarious!! x
I know imagine wearing someone else’s shit stained undies urgh!
Planning on having a third? You wait! I have an awesome post up my sleeve for the ‘neglected third chid’….
Brilliant. Just brilliant xxx
Ha, so true :) I completely forgot to start trying solids with D at 6 months – she was left to grab at plates herself!
Ha ha that’s brilliant! X
Love this hehe
Reblogged this on I'm Booby-Trapped! and commented:
Adorable poem!
Oh Katie, I love this. Every word so true. Poor second children. ;) You are so funny and talented Mrs. x
Lovely… the subject of my blog, my baby, is my second, and I have two stepchildren too. This is so, so true. :) Thanks… gave me a laugh this morning.
I bloody love this! And I normally hate blog poems and immediately close the page when I land on them. You clever, clever lady and every word is true. Those poor second kids of ours ;-)
Scandalous (but so true!).
Great piece – really made me laugh! I think you could make it into a rap with a video – it would defo go viral!!! ;-)
Bwhahaha! Say it like it is darlin’ lol.
I love you! That is all.
LOVE this, and nodded all the way through, with twins I just gave up all the books and dived in – they survived :)
Bloody brilliant and so true, thanks for relieving all the flipping guilt! Gorgeous photos of that beautiful second son of yours-yummy xx
Brilliant. Your blog is unique. Love it!
Ha ha ha! Reminds me of a tale I heard about a woman with four kids. “When the first child drops their cookie on the floor, you put it in the bin and get them a new one. When the second child drops their cookie, you dust it off and give it back to them. When the third one drops their cookie, you pull it out of the dog’s mouth and hand it back. With the fourth child it’s easier – there is not cookie.”
Fab post! You’ve pretty much summed up my son’s life. haha
Haha I love it and all the comments too. Man there is a lot of slovenly mothers out there neglecting their offspring in a nice normal way – it is great retro stuff x
Oh heavens. How embarrassing. Having 2 at once, I bloody skipped the first child bit all together and went straight to The Bad Mums Club. Oh well, why hang around ;)
This is awesome. Totally agree. And totally I think my second is more content than the first. My third is positively in heaven…..now…..where did I put him?
Ah Katie – this is sooo very true! Poor little seconds – we love them so very much though and they’re rufty little survivors who won’t know any different (although having said that I’m a second and I always gave my parents a hard time about the fact that my sister had a lovingly put together baby photo album and I didn’t ;-) )
Katie this is BRILLIANT!!! I know I say that on all your post. Love this poem. I feel the same way on second child. We keep calling her the forget one. The one we know will be fine and just there to get on with it Bless her, I always feel like a crap mom because of it but like you said we now know they won’t die. hahaha I am now struggling because I did so many things like personal first year scrapbooks for Buba all pretty paper time consuming cut outs and now I feel I have no time and missy moo will get my blog instead hahahaha Greatly put here. Instagram babies all the way!!!!
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Love it.
N’s the first child, but his first year while I was on maternity leave was ‘perfect’ time to do all the stuff we’d love to do with children. Since then back to work full time, and now it’s hard to make the time/find the time to do anything…so by default he’s a bit like an instababy himself.
Love this! Very honest and so true, you can only imagine what it’s like for a third baby…
lol …good thought!!
And we ditched the organic and fed you baked beans.
You’re wearing your brother’s shoes, I’m not sure if they fit,
And your white cotton vests are stained with his sh*t.
I may take twice as long to respond when you cry,
But I’m much less inclined to worry you’ll die.
^^^^ these i actually think of all the time, my poor second child! lol
ive been reading your pages for a while now and im laughing a lot here, and shared parts of your sleep deprivation on my status and got someone else involved ..we feel the pain :P
This made me laugh!!! Thank you!
I have been feeling the guilt of poor little baby 2.
People are always saying to make sure you take more pictures, save their first haircut/first scribbles and all that. It is just impossible somehow!
Thanks for being honest.