Recently I’m sure I was like 25 or something. I’d just been going about, enjoying my business of being young and down with the kids when WHAM – what the hell?! Suddenly I’m no longer in the 25-34 age bracket, I’m in the 35-44 bracket and it hurts (like literally in my back when I bend over).
Can I really be more similar to a 44 year old than a 25 year old?! (No offence to 44 year olds it’s just, you know, you are older and that’s not my fault).
On a bad day if I look in the mirror I can see my skin slowly sliding off my skull. So I did a frantic Google for Sali Hughes anti ageing recommendations, followed by some spendy action and I was armed with the products promising to make me look 25 again. Whether they work, or whether they just make gullible people feel a bit more proactive I don’t know. Who cares. Right now they are worth the money either way.
Of course the changes are not just physical. There are many things that I now think/do that lead me to believe that night serums are not going to be a complete fix : –
- If I go to Topshop I walk around thinking – too tight, too short, too midriff baring or too trendy.
- My friend Emma told me that she buys her jeans from M&S and they are great. I am actually excited to try them myself.
- To be honest though I prefer going pyjama shopping to clothes shopping.
- I didn’t even feel vaguely tempted to watch Big Brother this year. Why is there nothing good on the TV these days?!
- I felt stupidly pleased with myself for finally ordering a new cutlery basket for the dishwasher but it ruined by morning (day) when it didn’t fit properly.
- I take my slippers with me when we go away.
- I feel really pleased when It’s a nice day, mostly so I can dry the washing on the line.
- I don’t like trashy magazines any more. I don’t know who all the people are.
- I read the local neighbourhood magazine and enjoy it (more than Heat magazine).
- I don’t really go out very much and I don’t really care.
- I sometimes feel glad when people cancel plans on me.
- In fact 95% of the parties I go to are kids ones (maybe even 99%).
- On the rare occasions I do go out I am a total liability.
- And then I still wake up at 6AM and my hangovers last 3 days.
- When the toilet roll runs out I always put the new roll on the holder instead of leaving it sitting on the floor.
- I don’t like it when technology changes. Windows 8 made me want to weep and my new laptop has a touch screen that I can’t seem to turn off. When I point at something on the screen, a keyboard pops up or something minimises and/or flies at me. I HATE IT SO BAD.
- When I recently found a pair of boots I really liked I bought two pairs so that I wouldn’t have to feel sad when the first pair wore out. I feel very smug about this.
- Sometimes I wonder if I should have bought 3 pairs.
- We joined The National Trust and I fricking LOVE it.
- Sometimes I work out the actual cost per visit vs. the price non members pay and I feel very smug about that too.
- Feeling smug about stupid unimportant sh*t is definitely something old people do.
So yeh, all those things lead me to believe I’m not actually that young any more. But it’s not so much of a bad thing. One of the best things I have realised about getting older is that I am much more confident and comfortable in my own (slightly sagging) skin. And after all they say that life begins at 40 don’t they?
It just seems a real shame that by then, you are already halfway dead.
**************P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)