So It’s Easter holidays and I’m so excited because… well… actually maybe i’m not very excited… because it was like, the shortest half a term ever and 3 weeks of it were chickenpox ridden so… to be honest I’d kind of like school to keep em for a bit but…
Anyway lets not complain!
Instead lets pretend that I am really looking forward to enjoying quality time with my kids who are like ALWAYS HERE. I’m thinking of it a bit like the pox round two, dreading it but then also looking forward to getting it out of the way.
But lets not think about that yet… *shudders*
So two weeks of kids – what to do? I did a little Google and landed on a Netmums page of suggestions which was jolly lovely! But as I read though the list I couldn’t help feeling that some people lead rather different lives to my own.
Here are a few that left my mouth slightly ajar…
- Mattress Manoeuvres – Drag a mattress downstairs (say what?!) into the most suitable room and put cushions around it and on any hard edges. Voila! Your own indoor soft-play centre. When they are tired (when is this?!), grab a heap of books and lie around (say what?!) reading.
- House work – Small children can help with sorting clothes and matching socks. A Smartie for every pair matched correctly is a great motivator. If my kids saw me clutching a pack of Smarties they would rip them out of my hands before I even had a chance to say ‘Can you help Mummy with…’. Young teenagers will love to be shown how to properly iron a shirt and be allowed to do such a grown up task. Now I don’t have teenagers and it’s been a long while since I was one but I don’t seem to recall learning to iron as a particular highlight.
- Teddy Bears Picnic – Write out party invites, make paper hats, cut out and colour paper plates, prepare a pass-the-parcel, make miniature sandwiches and snacks. I can hardly be arsed to throw parties for my own children’s birthdays.
- Duvet day – You are allowed at least one of these in your Easter break! A day when you all stay in your PJs all day. Borrow or swap some new DVDs, stock up on popcorn and chocolate, have a big bath together in the middle of the day… Sounded awesome until the big bath bit. WTF?!
- Afternoon disco – Get out your old tapes/CDs, decorate the lounge, turn the lights down and put up some fairy lights and tin foil Disco balls. Have a “bar” and mix fruit juice cocktails. Invite a friend or two. Dance! Does occasionally putting the radio on in the kitchen count?
- Get down the farm – Most of the farms aimed at children and families are open all year round and a Spring day is a great time to visit. Spot the new baby lambs and try to resist bringing one home. I think I get points here because we’ve done this! We preferred to play spot the premature dying baby lambs though and then talk about death a whole lot.
- Long Lie In – All snuggle in bed with a pile of books or a DVD – bring breakfast upstairs and don’t get up until you’re ready. If this is something that other people really do then I’m just going to go off and have a little cry.
- Soft Play – Feed the kids before you go and bring a bottle of water so you don’t have to buy expensive cafe food. Tell them that’s the deal before you go! ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
I don’t think I need to draw a picture of what might happen next. Let’s just say I doubt I would have any skin left.
Now I don’t know who wrote these suggestions, there is no name against the piece but I feel a little bit in awe of her parenting skills and motivation. I feel a bit like I want to hang out with her and her kids, I maybe even want to swap her kids with my own. Perhaps that’s a bit harsh… maybe we could arrange to do alternate weeks or something? Maybe she’d like to be friends and I could go round her house and eat teeny tiny sandwiches with her teddies.
Or maybe not…
Alas she’s not me and I’m not her and my kids just like destroying things so our Easter holidays will be mostly filled with: –
- Play-dates at other people’s houses. Seeing toys and food thrown all over the floor can actually be immensely satisfying if you do not own those floors (N.B. Just for the record, yes I do hate the fact that ‘play-date’ has now become part of my everyday vocabulary).
- Dressing up as superheroes and performing ninja like moves on random people you see in the street.
- Getting twice yearly haircuts. Nice mid morning slot booked, you get a free lolly – what’s not to love?!
- Going to the corner shop to buy ridiculously overpriced magazines with toys that break within 10 seconds and then having a meltdown about it.
- Easter crafts such as eating and rating your favourite egg shaped confectionery (N.B. if you aren’t sure how this falls into the category of ‘Easter Crafting’ then perhaps you need to stop being so annoyingly pedantic).
- Wandering about looking for dog sh*t and then having detailed discussions about the what, whens and whys of poo.
- Going to the park to hunt for the best stick you can find to add to your ‘AMAZING COLLECTION OF AWESOME STICKS’ that absolutely and categorically can not be disposed of ever. Like as in EVER.
- Continuous hoovering of house to clear up bits of bark (see above).
- Having a One Direction memorial day. I doubt they will be that up for this but I feel like I need to watch ‘This Is Us’ and stare at Zayn and have a good cry to get it all out of my system.
- And finally my favourite… Eating. Less actual meals more lovely seasonal snacks such as mini eggs, hot cross buns, fake Lindt bunnies from Aldi and gin (N.B. Anyone who thinks that gin is not a snack can f*ck off.)
**************P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)