My new hate – Topsy and Tim

The boy has a new love. Postman Pat has all but been resigned to the reject bin. About 100 quids worth of crappy merchandise lies broken and forgotten.

You may wrongly assume me to be jumping for joy. I am not.

You see his new love is Topsy and Tim.

I will leave aside the topical issue of gender stereotyping that the programme has stimulated much debate for (for i am nothing if not shallow) and talk about the thing that really riles me.

All the god damn enthusiasm.

It’s not the kids, we all know that kids are irritatingly enthusiastic at the best of times. It’s the parents. It’s the fact that every bouncy twin request is met with an ‘Oooooh weeee yes of course!’ from mummy and/or daddy.

I sit staring at the TV willing one of them to shout ‘JUST BLOODY SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LET ME READ THE PAPER IN PEACE.’

I long for mummy to drag daddy into the kitchen and have an ‘I did bedtime last night it’s your turn’, ‘well i just did their dinner while you dicked about on your phone so it’s your turn’ debate.

Instead we see ‘Oh dear, there is a hole in the roof and it’s leaking into your bedroom, never mind lets just turn this massive financial disaster into a fun lounge camping trip yay!’

Why doesn’t mummy start sobbing and shouting? Why doesn’t she blame daddy just for the hell of it? Why don’t they have a massive argument about who spends the most money culminating in Daddy storming off to play angry Xbox and Mummy crying into a large gin whilst dreaming of a better life – LIKE ANY NORMAL PARENTS.

I’m just waiting for the day that the boy falls prey to this parenting propaganda and say’s ‘Why can’t you be more like her?’ Whilst looking longingly as the perfectly preened image of Angela Acton on the screen.

‘Well I think you’ll find it’s pretty normal to put your pajama bottoms on as soon as you get home, actually….and do you think they have squirty cream straight from the fridge Friday’s?’


Then, sorry, slightly off kilter but other things i hate…

  • How long the new house story line has been dragged out for – I hate even more how i was so eager to see their new house that i actually couldn’t bear to miss an episode. On the occasion that i did, i would grill whoever was in the room for an update. It was pathetic. And now another series has ended and still we are none the wiser. How many bedrooms and bathrooms?  Is there off street parking? Does it have one of those kitchen/diner/family rooms that i so desperately hanker after? Someone, please put me out of my misery.
  • Mummy’s stupid catchphrases – when she says ‘toptastic’ and ‘twintastic’ it makes my skin crawl.
  • Topsy’s bunches – In the book Topsy had curly bits coming out of the ends of her buns. They have done the same here but with fake ends. I have debated this with J who believes they are real. They are not real. They bun up her hair and stick totally mismatching blondey bits into the bun. If you have not noticed take a look. I warn you it is irritating.
  • More than anything i hate how i am overly concerned with each of the above issues. FML.

Pat you came into my home, stole my boys heart and then left me angry, out of pocket and with a house full of tat. But still i can’t hate you, come back?




P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)


85 thoughts on “My new hate – Topsy and Tim

  1. Mummy Says

    Milin is also obsessed with these two and they drive me up the bloody wall. What kids say ‘ok mum’ when they’re told to ‘go to sleep now’. We have both series recorded and M can watch them all friggin day long. Don’t get me started on the cupcake decorating is for girls while the boys play cars outside episode…..

    1. jonathan daykin

      They are like a wealthy family with immigrant type benefits. Look at spoil top tastinc n twintabulous on their birthday. Outdoor play house. Must have cost at least £300ļ. Then dim tim n his Dino cake. Then more presents from mummy n dad. Then more from the guests. Spot brats. EVERY THING the y want they get. As for Mr welcome, Wot an anti social mug he is. Five seconds after arriving it come on Tony wer”e goin miserble git. Spoilt brats

      1. Maxine

        How unfair your remark is most childrens programs are like that it doesnt matter to me my children love watching them its all about the children

  2. Not A Frumpy Mum

    The 30 second ad drives me mad, I don’t think I could cope with the full programme. Luckily it clashes with Ben & Holly on NickJnr and O loves HollyBen, phew! x

  3. MummyBear'sBlog

    Oh yes, Topsy and Tim. My gripe in a post way back in December (I think) was where are the tantrums?!… the twins’ trantrums I mean! THAT is what I find most annoying about it. “Let’s all play together… be best friends forever!”

  4. Dean B

    Oh dear while I’m relieved to know that it’s not only little T who is crazy about Topy and Tim, I’m a bit worried now that they (Topsy and Tim) are about to dominate the world! What a nightmare! Does F sing/ or hum the theme? T does and it drives me nuts!

  5. debra

    My little man likes a bit of Topsy and Tim too though we haven’t flicked on to it for a while. Have they really not moved yet! I keep thinking if they get rid of the millions of toys they wouldn’t need a bigger house and how quickly did they get rid of those nits??? Was it just me or did anyone else really want the mum to get them too?

  6. wrymummy

    Ha ha ha! Luckily I have managed to avoid this seeming hell show by invoking the power of the IPlayer, but if I did watch it, I’m sure those bunch-fros would bug the heck out of me! X

  7. emilygoesforit

    They’re no even related! That’s what pissed me off haha, that the actors aren’t related. What a silly thing to get annoyed at, but it did annoy me. The hair now you’ve pointed it out…. If I can I strategically turn the tv over ;)

  8. Louise (@TattooedMumsy)

    As always an enjoyable read :) We haven’t upgraded from Baby TV yet, hopefully not for another while, the programs there are bearable. At the moment L loves an elf guy who has 4 mushrooms, last for about 3 mins, that I can cope with, it’s 3 mins of laughter and him being STILL! I anxiously await L’s fascination with a particular character though like the above!

  9. Mrs ATWWAH

    I can’t watch it. Master ATWWAH likes it and now lusts after a ‘ladder bed’ after the repeated leaking ceiling episode from Series 1. But, the enthusiasm of the mum in particular drives me nuts. It’s so twee. She even doesn’t mind when the grandma drops in unannounced with that bloody dog. Phew! Rant over.

  10. CMG

    Ha so true ‘be best friends for ever’ I doubt it very much…..sorry just put the theme tune in everyone’s head again. The only plus point is that they are so incredibly well behaved and I regularly point out to my four year old that ‘the twins wouldn’t have done that’!
    Also in my distant childhood memory Tospy and Tim were chubby little toddlers not preschoolers?
    The only disadvantage of this series having finished is that I can no longer use the threat of having to finish tea by 5.30pm otherwise you will miss Topsy & Tim!
    Great post, also loved the Postman Pat one as my two year old is also a big fan of the worst postman in the world.

    1. hurrahforgin

      Actually you are right i always miss the 5.30pm threat – that was good. I love that you point out that ‘the twins wouldn’t have done that’ so using that one! x

  11. suzanne3childrenandit

    And now isn’t it about time you changed your profile pic, dumping PP for Topsy/Tim or even both! I didn’t know they had launched a programme *yawn* thank goodness mine have grown out of it. Tsk to saying yes to everything, they will turn into spoiled brats i tell you! I did laugh about at the “dicking about on your phone” debate, thought that was just our house ha ha ha!

  12. Complicated Gorgeousness

    I also think Steve Dutton’s mum is taking the piss as she is always dumping him there even if its the granny and smelly dog looking after them. My kids loved this books so we watched it on loop for a bit – they have now moved now to Tracey Breaker which is worse *kill me now* They are only 6 – what next? They’ll be watching Hollyoaks at 10 (actually… result!) xx

  13. Abby Boid

    Mine love it. Do you think they wish she was their mum? Did you see the one where they were pretending to be a horse….with a welly boot….upstairs on the cream bloody carpet. Aargh hh.

  14. helloitsgemma

    But they have load so creepy elderly people who befriend them? Isn’t that nice? Unlike my 6 year old who finds most over 60s boring. Except his grandparents and that because they give him cash.
    Why didn’t I have a girl and call her topsy? Such a great name.

  15. Life at the Little Wood

    Oh Katie, this really made me laugh! My three are Topsy and Tim addicts too. The eight year old texted me from her granny’s the other week to tell me to record it (how very 21st century of us). I am TOTALLY the same with the new-house storyline too. They’ve got me hooked now – it’ll be some shabby chic/ psychedelic floral combo, I’m sure of it ;). E x

  16. Notmyyearoff

    I am absolutely dyin to watch this. If I can ever get bloody Peppa off my telly then I’m going to sit and watch them all. I think I’ve become institutionalised.

  17. Mummy Glitzer

    As much as this made me howl with laughter, I am so thrilled that Harry hasn’t quite cottoned onto Topsy and Tim yet and still loves Postman Pat; we’ll have your tat! ;-)

  18. Frau Naish

    Ha! Laughing out loud here! Sorry ;-) Yep, Fin loves them too but not enough to ditch Peppa or the one with the same effin voices: ben & holly!! *sigh*

  19. Jude

    Ha! Very funny. Topsy and Tim didn’t even get nominated for one of my Cbeebies oscars. Losers! Great post. And congrats on being a MADs finalist – well deserved! xx

  20. Donna

    I haven’t a clue who these people are, what the program is or whether I agree or not. What I do know is that you clearly don’t realise something…. It’s not real. THE END.

  21. jennypaulin

    OMG!! I am exactly the same all three – I mean the two of them enjoyed this show and Joy gave me mummy envy the whole bloody time!!! I mean how is anyone that calm with twins!!! but i agreeI wanted to see their new home too xx

  22. Expat Mammy

    We luckily don’t have the pleasure of this…We only have snippets of cbeebies as were 4 hours ahead! Thomas bossed in this house, however LPV came obsessed with grandpa in my pocket for a while and all I wanted to do was punch jason Mason!!!

  23. Katie @mummydaddyme

    Ha Ha oh so true. Can’t stand Topsy and Tim. Annoying little feck heads. I half agreed with you on Postman Pat but me and Pat go way back from when my neighbour used to have a Postman Pat van so I felt some loyalty towards him. But Topsy and Tim can do one!

  24. cariemay

    I’ve only encountered them in passing so far but one glance was enough to put them firmly in the “Mama says no” category (along with Peppa Pig I’m afraid)! I’d rather have my own children be irritating – at least I can do something about that :)

  25. Louise

    When I first clicked onto this post I thought it was going to be about the old cartoon version that was on tv when I was a kid. I was actually quite angry to think that you were dissing it. However, this version sounds horrific! Thank god Stacey is too old to watch it and Oscar is too young. All is forgiven. I hope Postman Pat returns to the top spot soon!!

    Louise x

    Confessions of a Secret Shopper | An Undomestic Goddess

  26. butwhymummywhy

    Ha! Katie! This post is fantastic! Thankfully we’re on Peppa or CBBC now and we rarely have cbeebies on now – though I do miss Sarah and Duck but that’s what the ipad is for ;-)
    I’m totally with you on the cheesey perfect parent crap – who is actually like that?? xx

    1. hurrahforgin

      Thanks Morgana. F used to love Sarah and Duck which i loved too – sad times. I thought about saving this for Bad mums but i honestly just couldn’t wait long enough – the rant just had to come out ;)

  27. chickywiggle

    you are me!!! I HATE topsy and tim with a passion (not the books, the books are good) but the TV show is terrible!!!

    My 2 were obsessed with it, until the sky+ box somehow accidently deleted them all over night …. how it happened I will never know … nothing to do with mummy and a remote control …. honestly … **whistles**.

    1. Roseanna

      Um, I've never quite seen anyone else eat like that besides me, and I have been know to eat potted meat on saltines, then kimchi. Followed by a half box of cereal, and a pepsi, for brkfaeast.

  28. lara

    Wow chill put people. Its a kids tv programme. My two love it. Its not sexist at all in my opinion. Sometimes tim does the “girly” things too. if it bothers you all that much, heres an idea… dont watch it!!!!

  29. Skye

    Yes! There was an episode where nursery was closed so they all came round to T&T’s house for the planned group photo. Robo-mum didn’t bat an eyelid. There was no ‘Oh crap, I need to tidy the house for visitors’ and they handily had a batch of homemade biscuits ready. I think it sets unrealistic standards for mothers.

    See also the ‘home visit’ episode. Before my daughter’s real-life home visit I was scrubbing the hob, shouting at my husband to tidy, shouting at my daughter not to move any stuff/ bring her toys downstairs / briefing her on the correct answers to questions etc. On the day of THEIR home visit they were covered in paint, piling all their toys and the floor and being generally obnoxious and there was no shouting. Not even a dirty look.

  30. Lindsey Ryman

    This made me laugh out loud and wake up my 3 month old. Gutted. Now I can’t enjoy my toddler’s leftover tomato soup in peace

  31. Amy Ransom

    She is one smug mum. So how delighted was I when she turned up in Eastenders, got it on with Max and showed herself to be a big old slutbag… I wonder if Topsy and Tim’s dad knows?

    They should do a nighttime x rated episode like Hollyoaks…

    Loved this post.

  32. Annette

    It’s great that they are showing a programme where the kids and family get on! Hearing parents argue is most disturbing and unbalancing for kids and causes even more distress later on in life.

  33. TJ

    I literally searched google hoping to find other parents whom share the same deteste for Topsy and Tim, yes the enthusiasm does seem rather unrealistic. Further to this it grinds my gears when they do get told “No” and they sigh “ohhhh it’s not fair!” And continue to run up to their rooms in a huff as if that’s acceptable… Their parents later continue to give in, in some sort. It’s ridiculous.

  34. jonathan daykin

    This is our street mummy and daddy bought. We love to get spoilt together. We can be anything, cos it’s paid for by the beeb. They (licence payers) can pay, day after day and the fun will never end. This is our street. Paid by the beeb so let’s all play together. Be spoilt friends forever

  35. Richard

    My four year old is obsessed and is on her fourth episode today. Mr Fishwick just made one of his pointless cameo appearances.

    The bunches though-after watching the nits episode six times, I think they’re real.

  36. Claudia

    Ha ha, this made me laugh out loud in a very quiet coffee shop (*blush*). Can I also highlight the over-enthusiasm for camping?!? The first time they went, Dad put up the tent in the garden the day before to ‘check’ it and Mum had her twin-tastic Topsy and twin-tabulous Tim check the zips on their sleeping bags!! WHO DOES THAT???!!!! Also, they had packed the car the night before so they could make a calm, early start, rather than leaving it until 1 minute before scheduled departure time and so just cramming everything they might possibly need into the boot, while explaining for the 15th time why it is not possible to take 47 cuddly toys and how it is not yet legal for 3 year olds to drive Mummy’s car so they need to get into their own car seat NOW.
    Also, is it just me, or are the twins too big?? I think they are supposed to be 5 by now, but they look gigantic for their age??!

  37. Hannah downs

    all of the above is totally true.

    Who goes to a pottery cafe after school just because? And the fact I care so much totally gets my goat.

    However the absolutely most annoying thing about topsy and Tim is the fact they are not twins!!! The credits would make one think they are not actually brother and sister?!

    What is this sorcery!

  38. Amanda

    I think the most contradicting one is when they go to the Dentist to have their milk teeth checked. I don’t know if anyone else notice but the twinsasic twins both have their adult teeth so why are they explaining that their teeth will fall out. Tim also I find highly annoying he needs to see a physicist getting upset over new clothes really. Granny needs to go and have some acting lesson as she really crap.

  39. Shinykatie

    I can’t bear how the mother is always so chipper about everything. But what’s worse is that she always calls them Topsy & Tim. No one uses their children’s names like that “Yes, Topsy and Tim, we can create a fort in the living room out of the cushions I just tidied.”

    It’s like she’s at a networking event trying to remember their names.

  40. Rob

    Gread read.

    I find myself picking up on details in the background like grubby marks on the walls and clutter – drives me potty that it doesn’t seem to bother anybody.

  41. Jenna

    I’m a drama teacher and one of my students auditioned for Topsy! I doubt those children are related!

  42. Hatty Oliver

    I love you. Generally but particularly for this post that I’m only reading now while properly drunk. I hate Topsy and Tim’s mum so much. i even phoned the BBC complaint line to complain about gender representation on CBeebies (which I think is properly shit) because of their weird valium mum, Anyway you are great and topsy and tim’s mum is shit.

  43. MrsKC

    Oh at last! Like minded T&T haters! My 4 year old is obsessed with these two and the appendicitis/new house story lines… The mum is clearly self medicating but what on earth is the Nan on??? How long can you really amuse a child pretending Apple rings ( that healthy after school snack) are glasses? BUT and this is a big one the thing that drives me right up the wall is this… Is the Dad singing the theme tune?!?!

  44. Juliet

    Please, please, please can you use your new found publishing power to convince Cbeebies to produce a parent only episode of T+T with out-takes of their mum going off with Max Branning from ‘enders, and Joy and Brian (god I know their names!) having a complete rage about something. Or even just half an hour of them watching telly whilst the kids go to bed, drinking gin and saying “go back to bed, we’ll be up in a minute”. Please.

  45. Sarah

    My 23m-old is obsessed. “More Tim, Mummy! More! Tim!” Her world implodes when she’s not allowed more.
    Agree we need a parents’ episode. In which it is revealed Joy has, for months now, been shagging Carson the firefighter, her best friend Dominique’s husband. It all started the night before the big house move when they “came round for trifle”. Carson’s contempt for Brian built as blundering Brian not only lost the bolts from the twin swings but failed to rescue a cat just 10ft up a tree. Soon enough Joy is switching her phone off “while she visits her friend Julie” (yeah, right), holing up in a hotel with Carson, and getting poor, trusting Dominique to look after her twintabulous kids while she does it. Cannot wait for the next series and the new baby to be born and it’s Carson’s.

  46. Bryher Grimes

    I’ve just googled Twintabulous, which makes me cringe every time the mum says it, and found your post! Seriously, who would say that?! Love your post – and yes, now I’ve seen Topsy’s hair I can’t unsee it, thanks for that!! My 2.5 year old daughter is obsessed with T and T and has even called her rabbit Little Moon Bunny! I actually quite like Topsy and Tim but bits of it are definitely cringeworthy! Grandma…?! The “hello Grandma huggle”…?! And Mr Fenn from next door..? I wouldn’t let him anywhere near my kids!! Keep up the good work Hurrah for Gin!

  47. Alex

    Wow, just came across this post as these annoying twins are my daughter’s newest obsession and desperately needed some solidarity.

    What do you think the Dad does for a living? Something makes me think recruitment. Something that allows Joy to float around in her impossiby crisp white shirts demanding a larger house.

    I reckon she has a blog somewhere. Hurrah for tranquillisers? Hurrah for lobotomies?

  48. P. Clarke

    Its a bit telling that the kids love this show but lots of parents dont..
    Kids crave a family like that..a home like that..instead of all the screaming and mess that most kids have to endure.

    1. Alex

      Of course they do. Every child craves a perfect family who never shout at each other and walk around like they’re on happy pills… like they crave a pony or a giant swimming pool or sweets for dinner or no bedtime.
      No real family is perfect and it is natural for kids to idolise other families from the outside. But learning that their family and by extension human beings at large are not perfect is an important part of their development. Accepting their family for who they are (unless they are actually abusive etc) is something every child needs to learn.

  49. Topsytimterminator

    Re T&T / the birthday episode when T&T (puke) get the garden playhouse, and then its decided to add bloody Tony’s name to their initials too – grrr, messes the ‘T&T’ already carved by annoying / over-use of hair dye dad into the wretched playhouse! Tony is moving to a new school Tim, forget about him!!!
    Oh, and that episode when Tim is given the cupcakes to carry round / wreck by Robo-mum – pure annoyance.


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