Mummy is looking forward to a well-deserved holiday in Costa Brava. It’s been a hard year for the family after Daddy’s affair with his PA, Topsy’s expulsion for calling her teacher ‘A f&*king jobsworth @*%$’ and Tim’s recurring thread worm infestations…
Mummy cannot wait for them all to spend some quality time together – she wouldn’t use the hotel’s kids club though as she looks down on people who see holidays as an opportunity to ditch their kids and get pissed at the bar #SoSad. No… Mummy is much better than people like that!
The family gets up at 2.30 a.m. for their journey to the airport. Daddy
idiotically thought it was worth getting an early flight to save money and maximise their time away. As soon as they have checked in Daddy has a pint while the kids begin a jousting match with their Trunkis.
When they arrive in Spain Mummy discovers that
the useless arsehole Daddy has booked a holiday with a 4 hour coach transfer. The toilet on the coach is out of order so Topsy pisses her pants and Tim get travel sick and voms over the lady in front’s head. Oopsy.
In the evening they are too tired to go out exploring so they go to the hotel’s family entertainment show. Topsy and Tim volunteer Mummy to take part in a break dancing competition alongside a holiday rep dressed as a large blue hippopotamus.
One of the nicest things about going on holiday is that you get to sample the local cuisine. Mummy spots a gorgeous little tapas bar serving delicious looking food and wine. Tim spots a McDonald’s. I think you can guess the rest.
Mummy feels disgusted that they have already been in McDonald’s and it is only day 2 of the holiday but onwards and upwards!
On their way back to their hotel Topsy and Tim spot ‘Bouncy Funland!’ it is open to 11pm and only 5 euros a ride. There is no bar.
Mummy agrees to let Tim have a go on the claw crane machine. He promises not to be disappointed if he doesn’t win a prize. Yeh.