Some unpredictable time between 6.00 and 7.30am – We are woken by a squawking baby and/or a way too energetic small person trying to jump on our heads
7am – Milk distribution ensures momentary calm
7.20am – We all watch postman pat SDS in bed – i question whether we should allow our children to watch such tripe and how Postman Pat is able to maintain his employment despite his persistence incompetence
7.40am – Chaos is resumed – it becomes of the utmost importance that we proceed immediately downstairs to play with cars
8am – An attempt at breakfast is made and rejected
8.10am – Breakfast is enforced
8.20am – J leaves for work, i begin the arduous task or extracting weetabix from various orifices
8.30am – The baby is placed in the jumperoo
9am – The baby sleeps and i try and make a cup of coffee but am intercepted by the boy who wants me to get down on my hands and knees to race cars with him
9.30am – A trip to the park is suggested and met with approval
9.35am – The boy is unhappy that we are not already at the park
10am – After 30 minutes of packing the various paraphernalia needed for brief trip out with a small child/baby we finally make it to the park
11am – Suggestion to leave the park met with disapproval
11.15am – Suggestion to leave the park met with disapproval
11.30am – Suggestion to leave the park met with disapproval
11.45 – Suggestion to leave the park met with disapproval
12pm – The baby and I are bored and hungry and a decision to leave the park is taken. Despite being at the park for 2 hours the boy feels incredibly hard done by and proceeds to wail all the way home and insist i carry him, and his scooter, whilst also pushing the buggy
12.15pm – Lunch – whatever i offer is not good enough unless it’s chicken nuggets. If it is chicken nuggets then the cooking time is not acceptable. The baby throws food around the kitchen and is sick. He rubs his hands in the sick and then rubs it in his hair1pm – The baby sleeps for an unpredictable amount of time. it could be 20 minutes it could be 2 hours, he likes to keep us on our toes. I suggest a bit of quiet time watching the cars DVD on the sofa, amazingly this is met with approval. We snuggle on the sofa while i surreptitiously indulge in my guilty pleasure of reading the showbiz section of the daily mail on my phone
1.30pm – The baby decides today is not a day for long naps
1.35pm – The baby is placed in the jumperoo
2pm – The afternoon passes in a blur or whinging, toy flinging and feeding. I try to avoid ‘gluing and sticking’ at all costs
3pm – I weigh up the benefit of the baby being amused by chewing on various cables versus the potential risk of electrocution
4pm – Gluing and sticking commences. This involves pouring huge quantities of PVA glue onto paper. There is very little sticking, just lots of glue pouring. The boy loves gluing and sticking, i hate it with a vengeance
5pm – Tea time – I ignore repeated requests for me to throw the lovingly prepared, home cooked meal into the bin. Sugary bribery usually ensures an appropriate amount of said offensive foodstuff is consumed
5.30pm – The baby is placed in the jumperoo
5.31pm – Constant clock watching commences
5.45pm – The overtired baby sways between laughing manically and shrieking like a hyena. The jumperoo is no longer effective
6pm – J returns home and baby and boy are thrust in his general direction. I have about 15 minutes of me time to do something i love such as loading the dishwasher or putting on another wash
6.15pm – The boy begins to play suspiciously nicely by himself as bedtime approaches (i call this flying under the radar)
6.30pm – Bath time – i like this as it is closely followed by bedtime. On a bad day i may have a glass on wine during bath time and/or bedtime
7pm – I self medicate with more wine and chocolate
11pm – Sleep and then repeat
**************P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)
Oh my gosh, I feel your pain! Thank you for this post – I’m glad it’s not just me… ;)
ha ha – sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse but to be honest often it’s pretty draining! I’m sure much more people have days like this than would care to admit ;)
absolutely! small children are HARD work and no mistake.
Aw this made me laugh, I could see it all in my head. Such a funny post pure insight into motherhood in a funny way ;) … always good to medicate with choccie i say xx
Thanks Ellie – i don’t know what i would do without chocolate at times!
:) me neither and a trusty diet coke
I am sorry but this was absolutely hilarious. I loved every single hour of it! I have myself two girls under two which is why I can relate and LAUGH. Please write more!
Ahh thank you so much what a lovely comment – so glad i am not the only one! x
This made me smile and nod along. It wasn’t until I had my little one that I would get excited about the opportunity to go and load the dishwasher when my other half came home and could watch the baby for a few minutes! Sad but true!
I know right! It’s mad how even a couple of minutes on your own doing something incredibly boring seems like a treat. Thanks for reading :)
Have you been spying at my house?! This all sounds very familiar…..alas the jumperoo no longer does the trick for our 10 month old and has now been packed away. However, have you discovered the joy that is a playpen? It is my saviour.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has days like this! I tried a play pen with my eldest but he was only happy for about 10 minutes and then just wanted to escape. i will defintely give it another bash this time round though!
Gin is the answer . . .!
Gin is the answer . . . ! x
Sounds very similar to my day! Epically lunch never being good enough! All three of my boys always want something different!
Haha this is brilliant, and pretty much completely sums up my day! x
This post definitely sounds familiar and to think I only have one! ps. I hate play-doh with a vengeance, especially when you find it on the carpet!
Urgh play-doh! horrible stuff :)
mine was similar, but I started the gin at 9am
Going to try that tomorrow and see if it helps!
Haha this sounds just like my day! Love the way the baby is placed in the Jumperoo at various points in the day until it becomes no longer effective, so the same here! x
Haha this made me laugh! Very true and funny, just what motherhood is like =D #PoCoLo x
Thanks Katie xx
OMG i am so so pleased you mentioned Postman Pat SDS and his incompetence as sad as this sounds hubby and i both grumble over this every morning … and using a phone while driving or flying is not acceptable!! lol
thanks for linking up with #PoCoLo
This made me laugh out loud. I’m sure it rings a few bells in many a mother’s head. #PoCoLo
Have you been spying on me? Replace postman pat with Peppa Pig and these are my days haha! L x
Honestly it’s so good to know others have days like this too!! :)
Haha this post is so right!! This sounds just like my days off work with T. I’m so glad we’ve only got one, I can’t wait to have another but then I really think about it… Hehe! :)
Haha absolutely brilliant post, that’s my day down to a tee with an extra toddler for good measure. What did we do with our time before kids?! X
Oh how I miss this days…NOT!
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