‘I will never leave you’

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Me and F had a conversation the other day, I’m not quite sure how it started but we were talking about families…

When you grow up you might want to get married like mummy and daddy’

‘What? Whats married?’

‘It’s when you find a best friend and you want to live with them and be with them forever.’

Long pause as TINY MIND IS BLOWN, followed by scared look.

He gazes up at the ceiling and shakes his head from side to side as he does when he’s trying to find the right words in the right order.

‘But, but, but, but….and not be with you Mummy?’

Christ.

How do you explain the future to a 3 year old who who can’t see past the end of his elbow and who has only just fathomed the concept of tomorrow.

I open my arms and he links his hands behind my neck and swings his legs around my waist. He’s heavy and I wonder if this will be one of the last times i scoop him up like this. Or if this will be one of the last times he will want to be scooped.

Suddenly I’m almost nostalgic for the times I have spent 2 hours watching him zip around the park only for him to insist I carry him home. The days of struggling home with a baby in a buggy, small child slipping down my hip and scooter over my shoulder, I’m sure will soon be over.

I look deep into his confused little eyes and tell him straight.

‘You are my best friend and i will never leave you.’

And it’s true.

Because i know he will be the one that leaves me.

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56 thoughts on “‘I will never leave you’

  1. lucy

    Talk about pulling at the heartstrings hey? We were talking about getting married with our little man and he was quite adamant he would marry me or nobody. It such a lovely innocent time, isn’t it? And so damn fleeting to. x

    Reply
  2. Dean B

    Aww. Love those sweet moments :) It is slipping by so fast, isn’t it? Sometimes I just want to say slow down a bit, will you? And of course there are also days when you just want to get “on with it”. Hahaha. These sweet moments though are absolutely priceless! xx

    Reply
  3. Han

    Ooooh, we have this at the moment too. Ed is terrified at the thought that he will one day be forcibly evicted from the family nest. “But I want to marry YOU, mummy! Take off the ring daddy gave you – marry me!”. It is a huge thing for them to get their heads round isn’t it? Little darlings. xx

    Reply
  4. Eline @ Pasta & Patchwork

    Add me to the body count please, I’m all choked up over this post! My little man is turning one next week and I’m completely freaked out by the thought of him growing up up and away from us. *sniff* (well written post as usual though, well done!)

    Reply
  5. suzanne3childrenandit

    Ooh this made me well up! Stop it! I think about this weekly and then have to shut out the thought. They make me mad but I’m not sure I will be able to bear them leaving home….probably sooner than I think for my lot :( Such a beautiful post x

    Reply
  6. Pouch (@pouchbags)

    What a lovely blog post and so true…my daughter is starting school in 9 short months and I’ve become so reflective recently about her childhood slipping away, she grows more and more every week. The thought of her starting school makes me want to cry…but we have to let our children grow up. My Mum always says she enjoyed every stage of our childhood, including the teenage years, there’s so many things to look forward to, enjoying a whole lifetime together, not just the childhood years :)

    Reply
    1. hurrahforgin

      My son starts school too this year – at just turned 4! You are right though, i will miss these days but i also cant wait for all the fun stuff we will be able to do as they get older :)

      Reply
  7. thenthefunbegan

    Having wiped away a little tear I’m going to take the positives from this – at least we can appreciate these days no matter how emotional/boring/draining/demanding they can be and we never have to look back and say – I regret not loving that time of all our lives a bit more – you’ll have this blog post to remind you!

    Reply
  8. notafrumpymum

    Stupid me thought it would be a good idea to read this post in the inter site mini-bus filled with other staff. Good job I was on the front row so they couldn’t see the tears that came to my eyes!
    Beautiful post and so very true. I think Little O is going to get some super big cuddles when I pick him up from nursery tonight!

    Reply
  9. Mother.Wife.Me

    Ah yes, I’ve been at this very place with M. She keeps telling me she never wants to leave home or me or her dad. I guess at their tender age it is so hard to fathom, whilst for us adults / parents, we realise that all too soon that day will come. All the more reason to savour every moment – and on that note, I’m shutting my laptop and going to give my girl a massive big cuddle x

    Reply
  10. mummydaddyme

    This really made me feel sad and nostalgic. It is true that they only need us completely for just such a short time. A beautiful post. x

    Reply
  11. Jude

    Sob. Oh god, don’t do this to me! I’m already counting the days till my little man starts school in September – feels like I’m handing him over to the big wide world and The System. But I tell myself we’ll stay close. *Praying for a mummy’s boy* Great post – fab that you’ve captured the moment forever now.

    Reply
  12. Thao

    So lovely, what a sweet sweet boy. I’m enjoying being asked (ordered) to ‘ho hand’ (hold hands), ‘cuggle’ (cuddle) and ‘kish’ by a 22month old, its such a special time when they still think you’re the business! X

    Reply
  13. jennypaulin

    oh ruddy hell i am almsot in tears now. Burton and Jenson were asking me something similar the other day about always living with me and daddy and i said that one day they will live on their own etc… they could not understand that at all!!! i adore the photo too and this is just a post that i can totally relate too lovely x x (hugs) x x

    Reply
  14. happyeverafterbride

    Such a beautiful post. I am so touched by how simple life can be when you peer at it from a child’s eyes! Sometimes we do forget what truly matters don’t we? I think you’ve got a lot more great years ahead of you to raise your boys, look forward to sharing those on this blog.

    Reply
  15. 3yearsandhome

    Nooooo, say it’s not true!! Our boys will never leave us, never! I don’t want to think about it (although I do admit to thinking about the fantastic holidays that my husband and I will take once they’re grown up).

    Reply
  16. cariemay

    Oh so very true – and brought a lump to my throat. They’re so little right now I just can’t fathom the idea of them being big and grown up, but I’m going to enjoy watching it happen!

    Reply
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  18. franglaisemummy

    Gorgeous photo. Gorgeous words. Sometimes I want to cry with how quickly time is flying with my girls – how is my big one 7 already?!? Being a mummy is such a weird and wonderful thing.

    Reply
  19. Louise Longshaw

    Noah is the same. At nearly 6 he is besotted with his mummy and bestows me with kisses and cuddles frequently, sometimes even preferring to cuddle me in the playground rather than playing with his friends. I am savouring every moment and dreading the grunting teenager moments!

    Reply
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