11 days of emptying bins, crawling out of bed at every waking and taking 2 minute showers whilst hoping nobody tries to kill themselves.
11 days of emptying the dishwasher, figuring out why the TV keeps buzzing and eating cereal for my dinner.
11 days dragging two wayward children out on the banana/yoghurt/milk run and 11 days with no one to pour me a glass of wine after a hard day.
[I am lying here a bit because i had my lovely friend Janie stay with me for 3 nights and also a child free night away in London but that makes it all sound a bit less melodramatic and if i’m honest i have enjoyed playing the ‘woe is me’ card on and off. I have also enjoyed the only farts in the bed being mine]
But it was still 11 days without J and If that was a long time to me then it felt like half a lifetime to a 3 year old. There were 11 days of questions asked; ‘How many sleeps until daddy comes back?‘ and obviously the more important ‘and he is going to get me a really, really big present right?’
There were uncontrollable tears 5 days in. He was waking in the night feeling anxious or afraid of the dark. For the first time in over a year he didn’t want to go to pre-school, too scared that i would leave him too.
The baby didn’t seem to give a sh*t though.
I’ve heard it’s patronising to say to a single parents ‘gosh i don’t know how you do it’ because it implies there is a choice. But i hope it’s ok to say that even for a short time it was hard, and that it makes me fully appreciate all the support i have and respect those with all the support that they are sadly lacking.
Many people have said to J that he is lucky to have such a generous wife, allowing him to go to Brazil. Perhaps they don’t know that i am the lucky one – to have a husband who cooks me dinner EVERY night, who lets me hog the TV and then updates me on my soaps because i wasn’t paying attention, who simply retreats to the kitchen muttering when i am frequently being a d*ck. He is the best husband and hands on father to our boys.
J if you get round to reading this eventually, please promise you will never leave us again – i am bloody useless without you!
**************P.S. I have TWO books out now! You can nab them on Amazon here or in all good bookshops and supermarkets :)