Sneaky Toy Battles

Our house is a war zone right now. Us (or actually just me) vs. the toys.

They are bloody everywhere, slowly creeping into every nook and cranny, claiming room after room for their own. In my shoes, in my bed, in my handbag, even in the freezer?!

If the situation was serious before, Christmas certainly didn’t help. Arriving home with a car that looked like the getaway vehicle in a Toys R Us smash and grab has lead to far too many storage solution related dreams #FML.


I was not prepared to take it lying down so there was only one thing for it – we needed a big clear out. The only thing in my way was a small, blonde, noisy thing but I reasoned that I could appeal to his better nature.

But, um, have you ever asked a child to help select a few of his old toys to give away?

some people2

Yep so altruism hasn’t really happened yet. Whatever, I just got stuck in anyway – he couldn’t still want all of the old broken sh*t right?


TBH I found it pretty hard myself. When the eldest was a toddler he had a favourite emergency vehicle set we used to play with – he was always the ambulance and I was always the police car. He used to call it ‘Mummy’s police car’ awwwww.

Hours of my life I’ll never get back there but my mind must have blocked out the monotonous boredom of it all because now when I see it I’m like…


Even though it had no windows left and looks like a burnt out wreck some kids took for a joy ride.


Best thing, I thought, is to do it once he’s in bed. Have a gin to psyche yourself up – be ruthless!


Why didn’t I think of it sooner? He didn’t even notice any of it was missing the next day!

I stashed the loot safely in charity bags beneath the stairs and then promptly forgot about it until I asked him to get his shoes on and…





Lesson: Never trust a kid to carry out a simple task without rummaging.

Toys 1 : Me 0



P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)


20 thoughts on “Sneaky Toy Battles

  1. Bex @ The Mummy Adventure

    We have the same issue, our house has been taken over but I am terrible at throwing them away as we will have a new little one to play soon – unfortunately this probably means we will just have even more toys. I just want one toy-free room in the house!

  2. Dean of Little Steps

    We have the same battle here at home too! Do it when F is at school, that’s what we do when T isn’t around, hunt for toys and books that can either go up in the attic (for those toys and books with sentimental value) and another pile to go to charity shops ;) x

  3. Emma Irvine

    This made me laugh as I feel your pain!! If I though my daughters toys were bad my sons are even worse. If I stand on another tiny guns and swords from his pirate ship I will through the lot out not to mention the cars I trip over and parts of megablocks! We need an extension just for toys! xx

  4. Not A Frumpy Mum

    Oh you are describing my life right now. I even bought a lovely new storage unit to house all the crap in November but already they have spread out of it!!!
    I’ve just spent an hour trying to at least clear some of the outgrown clothes and keep having weepy sentimental moments over almost everything. Arghhh, need to man up and clear out all the crap! xx

  5. Laura

    Ha ha ha this is my life right now. I really need to sneakily remove some. I tried a tack of let’s give some toys to a little boy who doesn’t have any toys – that doesn’t work either ;).

  6. Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper

    I feel your pain! Pre-Christmas I asked Freddie if we could ditch their Ninky Nonk (he doesn’t even watch ITNG anymore), and he looked concerned. I said that poor children with no presents might enjoy it, as he had lots of toys, and that we could take it down the charity shop. He looked chipper for a minute, and then said brightly “we can take it to the charity shop- and then go and by another one for us!”. #aargh

  7. lifewithmunchers

    I have this exact task on my list and this is exactly my fear in glorious full stickman technicolour! I can’t even successfully hide the xmas sweetie. Every single one was ear marked! Great post x

  8. Jenny

    First off f*cksticks is the greatest word ever. I love it. This had me in stitches. i feel this exact same way in my house. I waited till the kids went to bed the other night and filled two huge trash bags full of toy donations. lol I said the charity fairy came. lol

  9. Jenni - Baby Chaos

    I honestly don’t think there is any amount of storage that would be enough, it is the laws of physics that toys > storage space?
    My living room looks like a toy shop that has been hit by a mini tornado, but I suppose I should get used to it what with Boo having a December birthday!

  10. Suzanne3childrenandit

    Ha ha how I love the image of you with your police car. You’re so right though, things we previously yawned at, are now looked back on with fondness. To be honest I’m not all that great at throwing things out so I can kind of sympathise with your toddler here. There’s no way those old Christmas books are ever leaving this house. No way on earth!

  11. Jess @ Along Came Cherry

    Haha the toy situation is one of my biggest stresses as a parent! We live in a tiny house and they really are everywhere, the kids like to carry them from room to room and they end up in the strangest places. Luckily Cherry does like to get rid of them though and will quite frequently agree to give stuff to the charity shops! We are always taking big bags there! x

  12. Colette B

    We just moved into our new playroom before Christmas and a lot of the toys had been inaccessible for a while. I basically spent a whole night shoving things in the washing machine / through the dishwasher and in the bin. It was pretty satisfying but I’m sure there’s more to do when we get some proper storage in there!

  13. Carie

    Oh that made me chuckle! It’s one of those things that definitely has to be done when the children are out of the house – I’ve tried tucking ours away only to find that they pulled the toys all out again when they went to follow Daddy in search of a book – but now our cupboard under the stairs is bursting full – I’m going to have to have another ruthless moment soon and it’ll all need to go straight into the car this time!

  14. Kerrie McGiveron

    Ha ha. We are exactly the same. Although ours have learned to embrace charity and often say “shall we give these to the poor kids?” which I think is pretty sweet. However, when we want to actually bin toys, including the dolls with drawn-on hair in biro, I have to wait til they are asleep. I binned Alice’s favourite dinosaur onesie the other night because frankly it is just all manky and old (not even worth a hand-me-down to Rosie, and that’s saying something) and Alice asks every night now FOREVER if she can wear her dinosaur onesie for bed. FML. :) xxx

  15. Sarah @tamingtwins

    How did I miss this post? Argh, they are super sleuths those bloomin’ toddlers. How do they do it?! I did a clear out before Christmas too, but accidentally put a LOT in ‘the memory box’. Oops. I think I need help.

  16. Jimmy

    I feel that one – got caught trying to throw out some old artwork because the house is literally wallpapered in my 5-year-old’s old projects and space was needed for more. A few pics are lying in a box next to the bin so I know to put them in the big recycling wheelie bin. Daughter finds them, foolishly left picture-side up, and turns to be with delight to say “Oh, Daddy, do you like this one too? It’s my favourite: it’s a girl doctor.”

    I feel like a sh*t. The picture has to be at least 18 months old, but she still remembers exactly what it is, where and when she drew it. So it’s back on the wall and now we need a new, bigger, house so there’s more space to hang up the kids’ pictures because the littlest one is adding his squiggles to the overall decoration efforts and I’m too soft to put my foot down.


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