…you know, when you are lying in the bath trying to relax after a hard day and you start to notice eyes staring at you across the bubbles.
I counted them the other day. 18 pairs in the bathroom alone (not including my own). I wondered how many pairs there were in the whole house.
‘Count them’ said a voice in my head.
‘No, don’t be ridiculous it would take ages’
‘But don’t you want to know?’
‘A bit i suppose’
‘You might regret it if you don’t…’
‘Will I?’
‘YES! When you are old and grey it will pop into your head and you’ll think oooh i never knew how many eyes were in that house, i wish i had counted them, i really, REALLY do.’
‘Oh bloody hell! But I’m not counting all the ones in the toys boxes or all the farm animals as that would take too long. I’ll have to estimate them instead’
‘As long as you can live with the data being flawed.’
‘I think i can’
‘Ok – get on with it then!’
‘I’m having a bath’
‘I don’t care get on with it’
‘Ok’ :(
I dry myself off and grab a pen and paper. I decide not to do it naked so i also get dressed.
They were EVERYWHERE………
Some were much loved……
Some were surprising……
Some were a little obstructive……
Some were truly terrifying……
I go from room to room jotting down the totals. I don’t include any books or photos as that would be ridiculous. The results are somewhat alarming: –
Lounge/Dining room – 43
Kitchen – 9
The Baby’s room – 41.5
The Boy’s room – 74
‘OUR’ bedroom – 6 (?!)
Bathroom – 18
Toilet – 0 #winning
Estimates for non visible eyes – 80
Grand total = 271.5 pairs of eyes
It seems a slight imbalance to the 4 pairs of human eyes and 1 pair of cats eyes currently residing in our house.
‘See wasn’t that worth it?’ said the voice. ‘Don’t you think you will sleep better now that you know?’
‘Will i will sleep better knowing that only 1.81% of the eyes in our house are living???’
‘Oh – ha, yeh see your point…you could sleep in the toilet?’
: – /
**************
P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)
Haha I’ve just been reading through your blog (only just found it – shame on me). I can’t believe you counted all the eyes!! Love your rants too – wish I felt so strongly about stuff other than crisp flavours. Brilliant stuff xx
awww thank you!! I could chat all day about crisps btw – definitely my vice. Pickled onion monster munch are my all time faves :))
Ha ha how many of them are talking too? Xx
Bloody hell i had not thought of that!!!
Definitely winning not having any in the toilet! Now I’m going to have to somehow resist the urge to do the same :/
Do it – you NEED to know!!
Hilarious. I just did a quick scan of ‘our’ bedroom…. ELEVEN pairs that I can see watching me without even getting up to have a proper look. So creepy! X
Argh! Your count is going to be worse than mine!
I love that you didn’t count books or photos as “that would be ridiculous” lol. That is quite frightening!
ha! It would have taken hours but i was pretty tempted x
You are officially a genius. Loving the freaky Postman Pat pic. Thanks for making me snort this morning. Again. X
I did use a calculator to work out the percentage! ;)
Glad you liked it lovely x
Ha ha, brilliant! Great Maths skills, no worries with Maths homework for you when the time comes. Can’t believe you have three eerie Postman Pats! Xx
Do you want one?? x
Sadly, I’m sat here trying to do a right estimate of how many are in our house. Where did you get those Postman Pats from, they’re terrifying!!
Lol feel free to do a post too!! We’ve got loads of postman pat stuff – i made the eyes red on pic monkey though ;)
This is amazing!!! Although slightly creeping me out now I’ve started to think about it!!
Ha sorry Becky. I posted it before bed last night and freaked a few people out then. Probably better to read it in the morning ;) x
Katie, is it just me? I can’t see the blimming photos no matter how much I refresh the page! Grr… As always, loved this! :) xx
Sorry i think so Dean – weird, everyone else seems fine! ta though x
Jesus I will be forever haunted by postman pat eyes!
You have my vote Mrs x
lol sorry – but thanks Jane xx
I think this is my favourite blog post of anyone ever! You’re so bloody funny! x
Wow that is probably the kindest thing anyone has said to be ever – love you a bit Jess x
Flipping heck that’s a lot of plastic/wooden eyes looking at us all day-the horror version of Toy Story…don’t even get me started on cars that go beep in the night-FREAKY! Fab post x
yep the noisy ones are extra freaky! thanks love x
urgh I never even thought of this…*looks around for eyes* I like that you worked it out dead accurate. On an unrelated note, we once had Postman Pat’s cat Jess – it miaowed but then Emily took it in the bath with her. From then on it just made a weird death moan constantly – and don’t get me started on it’s eyes.
Great post.
Oh god that sounds properly terrifying Kerrie!!!
OMG I have actually considered this!! Also, when I lived at my mum and dad’s I had pine wardrobes that went over my bed. I was convinced that the knots in the wood were eyes and terrified myself so much that I had to sleep right under the covers! I’m not ashamed to say that this was in my late teens. Having an overactive imagination is FUN! ;)
Oh Laura you are so funny but i can totally imagine myself doing that too!! xx
Ha, brilliant post! Funny how as soon as someone mentions ‘watching eyes’ at you, you can’t stop seeing them everywhere
Ha soooooorrrry!!
How long before kids toys have cameras in the eyes. Then how disturbing would this be?
Oh bloody hell! Don’t say that!
hehe I love it. I’m not going to lie I don’t know whether to applaud you or pour you another gin but either way, it is so right.
Gin please :))
Eek! The thought of so many watching eyes rather gives me the heebie jeebies – and rather bizarrely makes me want to go and count ours!
Just whatever you do – don’t blink!!
What had just one eye?! That .5 pair creeps me out!! x
That is properly scary! I daren’t even look at the eyes around me now. How do I unread this blog post?!?
Haha that’s quite a disturbing thought! And you know you most definitely definitely have my vote. x
I shall never sleep again after that Postman Pat pic!!!!!! Sob x
Bloody hell – I always knew there was something a bit odd about Postman Pat!
Katie just love love love your blog xxxxx
aww thank you lovely! :)
Oh god… I’m getting urges to count mine now… AND WHAT IF THEY ALL COME ALIVE WHEN WE’RE NOT LOOKING?!
*hides in airing cupboard*
You are hilarious, so funny you counted the eyes in your house. Something I would do. I am a wuss when I was little couldn’t have any toy looking at me inmy room especially dolls when I went to bed. I often look around the bath now and think they are all looking at me. lol hahaha So funny. Great post. I see on butwhymummywhy you will be cohosting a new linky. I look forward to it. :)
hahahahaha! Love this Katie – I’m trying not to think how many we have… :)