What will he be when he grows up?

I was watching a TV documentary the other night and it started to reel off a list of personality traits that seemed oddly familiar: –

      1. Unconcern for the feelings of others
      2. Unnecessary risk-taking or impulsive behavior
      3. Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms
      4. Very low tolerance to frustration
      5. Incapacity to experience guilt
      6. Marked readiness to blame others
      7. Superficial charm

I repeated them to J and asked him ‘Does that sound like anyone to you?’

‘Yep sounds like F – why?’

‘Those are the personality traits of a SOCIOPATH!!’


‘He’s 3 – most 3 year olds are like that surely?’

‘I guess so but do most 3 year olds ask stuff like…


‘And i wonder if most 3 year olds like to play…’

cutting ball2

So then i got to thinking what if he does grow up and commit mass murder? How would i be perceived in all of this – would people start analysing my blog to see if my parenting was to blame? Do i come across as a loyal caring mother or one that moans and drinks a bit too much?

I conclude that…

*****If my son turns out to be a serial killer and i end up being interrogated by the police please could someone delete my blog? Or at least just delete all the swear words, bits about cutting people up and mentions of gin (particularly the bits about drinking gin whilst they are in the bath, that sounds particularly bad on reflection)*****

although hang on a minute. What if he grows up to become a nice, normal, respectable member of society? What if he comes across this blog post and sees that when he was 3 years old I had written off his future self as a violent psychopath?

Sod it i can’t win. I best just delete it all as soon as he learns to read.



P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)


29 thoughts on “What will he be when he grows up?

  1. ToddlerSlave

    Lol!!! I think every mother goes asks herself this! In fact I was thinking it just today (about a friend’s child but same same!). And I always wonder about the parents of the sociopaths of today and wonder what they must be like- gin drinking and very sweary I reckon ;) X

  2. Kerrie McGiveron

    Ha ha this is great. My girls aren’t like this now, but I remember when we went to parent’s evening for Emily and looked through her school work and that was all blood and gore – we don’t even let her watch video nasties! Also, my brother had this really weird thing when he was younger – he used to say come up with horrific scenarios like “What would you rather – be strangled to death or thrown in a fire to burn to death?” and I used to answer him like any good sister would. Ha ha great post. Bugger, what if our kids eventually read our blogs?? Hadn’t thought of that one! x

  3. thenthefunbegan

    Mmm, that is quite a knife/cutting obsession he seems to have there Katie! Reminds me of that great scene from The Adams Family with Pugsley strapped into an electric chair and Wednesday saying “Let’s play: Is There a God?” – genius! Or just very, very wrong… X

  4. Donna

    I actually don’t know what to say after reading that. I think I am scarred for life. I’ll let you know if LP ever kicks a ball at me and requests I yelp in pain as imaginary knives cut me…! x

  5. brummymummyof2

    Ok will delete blog but can you leave somewhere a really lovely picture we can use of you in the press photos. I shall indeed sell the story to take a break and you want to look nice in it don’t you? I could make £3000 on this you know! Here’s hoping you never get interrogated! (PS my girls a loon. I think they all are) xxx

  6. suzanne3childrenandit

    Ha ha ha you’re a nutter! In my experience……yes, delete once they can read! I’m thinking that 4 and 6 sound like me – does that make me a sociopath?!

  7. WallyMummy

    Hehee x I think mine could probably do someone se damage when she grows up… Lol! You’re welcome to come into witness protection with me :))) x

  8. cariemay

    Maybe there’s a business idea in that – an app that will let you discretely delete your entire blog at a moment’s notice while just leaving up a gorgeous mug shot for the press to steal!

  9. tombriggs79

    Ha! This all sounds familiar to me too, so I’m sure no deleting of blogs need take place. I’m keeping everything I’ve written safe and sound for the amusement of my sons’ future partners/best men/prospective employers. Not sure what that says about me though… ;-)

  10. Jude

    I have a friend who’s a physiologist and she swears blind that all toddlers would fail the psychopath test, hands down. Complete lack of empathy apparently. Dangerous little buggers. xxx

  11. Jenny

    Hahaha glad I am not the only one. Buba asked me weird violent things all the time and I think where did that come from? Wow. lol hahaha I think they will grow up and being strong leaders! Just using their imagination at the moment. lol To your concern and all of us mothers. Great post as always hunny.

  12. Izzie Anderton (@IzzieAnderton)

    Ha, this is so funny!! I can report happily that my daughters have turned into normal grown-ups (in a studenty kind of way) & are now at uni. Wine, blogging & unconventional parenting has contributed to this & not turned either of them into psychopaths. I’m hopeful this is just another one of those phases for F, good luck.


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