School – what’s the crack?

We’re 6 weeks down the school starters line, 3 part time, 3 full time and we are already hurtling towards half-term. For every parent out there looking forward to spending a week with their little cherub there is another one thinking IS THAT IT?!?

I’m not saying that’s me. But it might be me.

So what are our thoughts about school so far? Well I had a few concerns, perhaps slightly amplified by the fact F only turned 4 in August. I worried that he wouldn’t be able to sit still, that he would miss me and that it might all be too much for him, I had a lot of confidence in him you see.

The reality is that I was wrong. He skips through the door happily each day, he condemns people who end up on the cloud for bad behaviour and tells me (YES ME!!) off because ‘You’re not doing good listening Mummy!’

I don’t know whether to feel proud or insulted. I don’t know whether to feel like a success as a parent or a total failure as one.

I was right about one thing however and that was that he might not be able to wipe his own bum properly – the skid marks are there to prove it. Hurrah go me! Oh hang on a minute though, that’s a sh*t one to be right about. Literally.

Another thing i’ve noticed is that he is ever so slightly more tired than usual.


But not good tired. Not tired in a sleeps longer and takes a nap type way, that would be fricking awesome. I mean tired as in a sleeps less and acts like a rabid dog type way. So there we go. FML. Again.

And now this is the bit where i was hoping to talk about the one overriding bonus of school. No not the fact that they are helping to shape my son into an intelligent and well rounded young man, yes there’s that, of course there’s that. But I’m talking about the bit that would provide me with free childcare a bit of a break between the hours of 9 and 3.15.  I would get to have more hands than children and naps time would actually* mean something again (*hopefully).

But the reality is that it doesn’t feel like much of a break. Aside from the daily grind of the school run, I feel utterly lambasted by the amount of admin and requests that are being fired at me on a daily basis. I have been so busy bringing in non-perishable foodstuff, unsuccessfully ironing on ‘easy’ iron-on name tags and panicking about getting tickets for the spooky disco that I forgot I even had a life.

Do I have a life?

BEEP BEEP – oh hang on sorry I just got a text, maybe it’s someone asking if I want to go out for a drink.

Oh no… it’s just school AGAIN – apparently they are having cottage pie today instead of the planned menu option in order to celebrate British potato day.

Like I give a f*ck!

What’s the etiquette here? Am I supposed to reply and tell them that I’m having a tin of ravioli?

And what’s with all the forms to fill out and hand back by yesterday or lest you die? I am sorely tempted to slip this into his book bag tomorrow…


I guess that wouldn’t work for questions where the more sensible answer was no, although I would be happy to sign off my parental rights in general during school hours or just go along with the majority vote or something. I accept that most other parents probably have more well rounded opinions than my own, no shame in that.

So overall there are positives and there are negatives, we are still finding our feet but by and large it’s all going a hell of a lot better than I imagined, for him anyway.

One thing I know for certain though – our school is magic and I’m going to use parents evening like a free, un-televised version of super nanny.


P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)


39 thoughts on “School – what’s the crack?

  1. Mark

    I concur.

    Our school have gone paperless. Apparently. They might want to take a look in my recycling bin! By paperless I assume they mean sending it home as ‘art’?

    Then there’s the emails that finish with ‘please print this off and send back’.

    They might be paperless, I’m anything but.

  2. Life at the Little Wood

    This really made me chuckle Katie! And i totally agree about the admin. I feel like i’m a PA to my three most days. And then comes the homework. Have you started the homework yet? And the after school clubs? More forms to fill, money to hand over and knowledge about Prisms and Muliplication that i just don’t have!
    That said, i’m off to find something beginning with ‘K’ for the pissing arsey sound table. Joy! :) xx

  3. Jess Paterson

    Brilliant, Katie! Love the skid marks and the supernanny. I agree entirely about the forms, they drive me mental. My youngest came home with a book bag the other day for goodness sake! He’s just turned 2! “Enjoy” half term ;) xxx

  4. Rach

    Ha – so much of this is familiar, and H is only doing mornings! Heaven help us when he starts full-time!

    Especially with you on the finding-unpleasant-things-in-pants and so-tired-I-hate-everything-including-your-face. He loves it, though. That’s the main thing, right? RIGHT?

  5. Helen

    Couldn’t agree more, this morning, by 10am, I’d had two emails and a text. One of them was about Christmas cards!
    Still, Jake loves loves loves school and I get to go to playgroups with the baby and get to be one of the sitting down drinking coffee mums instead of the hot sweaty running around mums. Which is nice.

  6. Fiona

    Agree 100%. I am sick to bloody death of the text messages that I get from our school. And the homework! My son is five, and unenthusiastically crawling towards the autumn half term of his Year one (so second year- makes perfect sense) at school. Don’t get me wrong, he adores his friends, play time, lunch time, hot puddings, football club, sports day etc. He does not like reading, writing, learning and lessons. I’m working on the “if you learn to read, you can see what’s on the TV next” approach at the moment. He does seem to like detention though, judging from the amount he has clocked up in the last year. Play fighting with your brother at home is fine, play fighting or retaliating (thanks to unhelpful advice from Daddy) is frowned upon.
    Loving your blog as always. Fi x

    1. Katie Post author

      Do you know though Fi i think that all sounds pretty normal and very like my own son, he has permanent ants in his pants! They get it beaten out of them sooner or later ;) x

  7. Franglaise Mummy

    Oh, how I’ve missed reading your blog (not enough hours in the day and all that). This is so so true, the only slight issue is it doesn’t go away and doesn’t get any better. I still spend half my life running around doing school admin for L, in fact it’s part of the reason I couldn’t handle going back to a full-time job after having C! Our recent favourite was to dress L as her favourite Ancient Egyptian – FFS. Just make friends with the other school mums so you can compete over who is the worst parent and then go drinking at the pub with them. Result :-) xx

  8. Dean of Little Steps

    You’re hilarious Katie! So far we haven’t had loads of forms to fill-out. Just a couple like eye-tests and after-school-activities forms, which apparently little T is even too young for? (Just for 5s and up?) I have a bit of an issue with the homework, just the kind … Well, because I feel it’s just a bit too much, unless of course, they expect us, the parents to do it? Example: Draw Mousehole Cat and describe him. Little T drew her own version of a cat, I asked her to describe it. She did of course, but of course she couldn’t “write” the words. So I wrote them down for her in another piece of paper and just told her to copy the letters, which she did (bless her), but of course you could hardly understand the words. But at least she did them right? Why can’t homework be at least age-appropriate? Sorry for the rant! x

    1. Katie Post author

      Oh wow Dean that sounds hardcore – we haven’t really had any proper homework, just have a few letters for the first time this week to sound out. F can’t draw anything at all so he would be useless if he had the homework you got! :-/

  9. brummymummyof2

    Bab – my girl is in pre-school. We get daily texts and at least three letters a week. She already has a trip for £22!!!! £22!!!! I mean wtf? What’s wrong. As a teacher I find this all bizarre. Today was a text about charity day. I felt like replying save your text money and give that to charity. Fools x

  10. Ting at My Travel Monkey

    Yep and yep and yep! D hasn’t even started school yet, just the nursery attached to it and I get emails and forms every bloody day! Can they take a photo? Can they have old toys blah blah! And the PTA are always trying to organise evenings out! No sorry… I’ve got enough mates and I don’t even have time to see them! I’m glad I’m not the only one. Great post Katie x

    1. Katie Post author

      Oh yes i forgot to mention all the photo forms and request – can’t they just do them all on the same day?! take however many pictures as you want just stop asking!!

  11. Honest mum

    Yes, yes and laughed out loud at potato day, we need assistants just to sort out the daily paper work, we had to take in bedding plants today. I’m exhausted x

  12. Julia smith

    This sounds very familiar. Grumpy, hyperactive tiredness all over the place in this house. Kids at 2 different schools = 2 different lots of paperwork. One of the schools also sends motivational texts on a Saturday. Just in case the multiple emails weren’t enough

  13. Spidermummy x

    Teehee this made me chuckle! I also was of the thinking it would be easier once they were at school.. doohhhhh. My son is in Year 1 and now I’m dreading the other two starting, I don’t understand how you help three children do all their homework every night? Why didn’t I think this through???!!!!! x

  14. Amy Ransom

    Bloody hilarious. Please put that note in his bag. I dare you. I also think they’d like to know you’re eating ravioli.

    It could be worse. You could be class rep. Not quite sure why I volunteered for that. So far I’ve missed Harvest Festival which means 30 others have also missed it… Oops.

    Great post Katie x

  15. Carie

    Oh goodness, I had no idea! What on earth is awaiting me next year?! It sounds like you’ve started school as much as he has only without the fun colouring and sticking bits!!

  16. a field somewhere

    Ha ha. Don’t put too much faith in them there teachers. They may seem godly at the moment but it’s early days. They are only human and they too make mistakes. I saw one of my daughters teachers off her nut at a festival this summer. Just sayin… they too have potential to loose a small child or two

  17. Katie @mummydaddyme

    Haha brilliant. But not great about the skiddy’s. Still it can’t all be bad. Love the photo of him asleep. It is tiring this school malarky. We have it all to come so shall be looking to you seasoned one year in types for inspiration. ;O)

  18. suzanne3childrenandit

    Ha ha you are hilarious! My daughter came home with skid marks in her pants until she reached junior school….sadly I started my blog too late to share that one ;) Utter lazy-itis was responsible for that one. Just wait until you get hounded for a ‘voluntary’ contribution towards something or another. Voluntary my arse!

  19. Donna

    Love this post, it is pretty much like our experience of preschool so far – How much crap can they send home?! I get 2 pieces of paper a day plus numerous emails! It is actually ridiculous! x

  20. Jess @ Along Came Cherry

    Just today I was dreading the whole school thing, I struggle to get Cherry to pre-school on two days of the week let alone every single freaking day!! It’s so restricting, plus it doesn’t really leave you much time to do anything. Today Cherry pulled a sickie so we could go to Ikea for the day, we won’t be able to do that without getting into trouble next year! And the poo thing is what I was saying to my friends the other day! Cherry can’t wipe her own bum and I wouldn’t want her to!! And I HATE paperwork that comes with school!! And homework… But oh well I guess there are positives too like 6 hours of peace a day! x

  21. Katy Hill

    Six weeks? By half term we’re on EIGHT weeks baby! Damn you! Can you IMAGINE the tiredness levels in THIS house! You made me laugh (thank you) and I”m glad I’m not the only one who finds the organisational madness a struggle. I’m slowly having to acknowledge that my kids DO actually have a better social life than me. Oh and don’t sweat the school gate pressure… I was once asked to bake a cake (yeah, ME!) for afternoon teas. Thankfully Auntie Betty Crocker came up TRUMPS! Shhh… don’t tell! x

  22. Kerrie McGiveron

    Ha ha. Home admin is the pits. I have piles of school letters all over the place, and we only have 2 in school at the moment, dreading having 3 of them in school. I get texts from the school too – and emails, and a weekly newsletter telling me all about what Alice has been up to which invariably involves Play Doh…and don’t even get me started on the tween’s home admin. That’s a blog post to come. That is a right royal pain in the neck!!! :) xxx

  23. Jenny

    Oh glad its’ going well. Love the sleep photo bless him so tired. I am so worry about this same thing with Buba as he turns 4 in August then starts school. It’s so scary and not knowing how it will pan out. I hope he follows your little man’s steps. I don’t mind being told off lately it’s “Mommy speak properly” eek maybe I have been overcorrecting his english too much. Now I am getting it back. lol Oh dear the school text messages seems to be alot my best friend gets them all the time. I am with you on that one. lol

  24. Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper

    This seems like an overall SUCCESS to me!He sounds like he’s doing well, so give yourself a pat on the back :-)

    The skidmark thing doesn trouble me slightly- F is useless at this, and he still bends over so I can scoop the last bits of poo from his bumhole, but I figure we have 10 months to master it. The trouble is, the evolution of humans fucked up slightly by not making small people’s arms quite long enough! xx

    PS The school actually texts you?! *shudder*

  25. Mummy to boyz

    I’m so glad it’s half term (well only half glad) if the boys mood carry on I might take him back myself. I can’t believe the amount of times we have had to go in already – coffee morning, open morning, harvest, maths meeting, English meeting & homework meeting.

  26. Lizzie Roles

    Katie your posts always make me giggle. Think of this post of preparing me for School, SH starts next Sept I’ll be fully prepped by then! Skid marks n all! Hehe Lizzie XO


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