Recently I’m sure I was like 25 or something. I’d just been going about, enjoying my business of being young and down with the kids when WHAM – what the hell?! Suddenly I’m no longer in the 25-34 age bracket, I’m in the 35-44 bracket and it hurts (like literally in my back when I bend over).
Can I really be more similar to a 44 year old than a 25 year old?! (No offence to 44 year olds it’s just, you know, you are older and that’s not my fault).
On a bad day if I look in the mirror I can see my skin slowly sliding off my skull. So I did a frantic Google for Sali Hughes anti ageing recommendations, followed by some spendy action and I was armed with the products promising to make me look 25 again. Whether they work, or whether they just make gullible people feel a bit more proactive I don’t know. Who cares. Right now they are worth the money either way.
Of course the changes are not just physical. There are many things that I now think/do that lead me to believe that night serums are not going to be a complete fix : –
- If I go to Topshop I walk around thinking – too tight, too short, too midriff baring or too trendy.
- My friend Emma told me that she buys her jeans from M&S and they are great. I am actually excited to try them myself.
- To be honest though I prefer going pyjama shopping to clothes shopping.
- I didn’t even feel vaguely tempted to watch Big Brother this year. Why is there nothing good on the TV these days?!
- I felt stupidly pleased with myself for finally ordering a new cutlery basket for the dishwasher but it ruined by morning (day) when it didn’t fit properly.
- I take my slippers with me when we go away.
- I feel really pleased when It’s a nice day, mostly so I can dry the washing on the line.
- I don’t like trashy magazines any more. I don’t know who all the people are.
- I read the local neighbourhood magazine and enjoy it (more than Heat magazine).
- I don’t really go out very much and I don’t really care.
- I sometimes feel glad when people cancel plans on me.
- In fact 95% of the parties I go to are kids ones (maybe even 99%).
- On the rare occasions I do go out I am a total liability.
- And then I still wake up at 6AM and my hangovers last 3 days.
- When the toilet roll runs out I always put the new roll on the holder instead of leaving it sitting on the floor.
- I don’t like it when technology changes. Windows 8 made me want to weep and my new laptop has a touch screen that I can’t seem to turn off. When I point at something on the screen, a keyboard pops up or something minimises and/or flies at me. I HATE IT SO BAD.
- When I recently found a pair of boots I really liked I bought two pairs so that I wouldn’t have to feel sad when the first pair wore out. I feel very smug about this.
- Sometimes I wonder if I should have bought 3 pairs.
- We joined The National Trust and I fricking LOVE it.
- Sometimes I work out the actual cost per visit vs. the price non members pay and I feel very smug about that too.
- Feeling smug about stupid unimportant sh*t is definitely something old people do.
So yeh, all those things lead me to believe I’m not actually that young any more. But it’s not so much of a bad thing. One of the best things I have realised about getting older is that I am much more confident and comfortable in my own (slightly sagging) skin. And after all they say that life begins at 40 don’t they?
It just seems a real shame that by then, you are already halfway dead.
**************P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)
Ooh m&s jeans indeed. I need some post birth denims, I’m on it! X
Brilliant – I know how you feel, I’m also well into the 35-44 category. Sob. And my lovely husband decided to point out on my last birthday that I was now closer to 50 than 20. Gotta love him right?! But you’re right you can’t beat a National Trust membership.
When I get an empty washing basket (rarely and momentarily) it actually provides me with an irrational level of happiness….
Or when you choose underwear because it’s comfy and keeps you warm …
There are so many entries on your list that chime with me. But also, on the plus side, being older gives you a bit more of a “fuck it” mentality! The confidence to be who we are come what may is something I didn’t experience until post 35. I am delighted to say that, having recently entered my 4th decade, I sped down a hill on my bike hollering “gun it!” only yesterday and was rewarded with a gobful of mud that had detached itself from my wheel and landed in my open mouth. I laughed through the grit. I love your writing, glad I found your blog : )
I love my M and S jeans…just high-waisted enough to tuck the loose mum-tum into…and tight enough to resemble a skinny jean! They are also slightly too short..but now I am at that special age I no longer care that I am flashing a little bit of sock. Love the posts by way!
Love it! I’ve just become 40 – which, as some kind soul pointed out, means I’ve entered my 5th decade. So on the subject of signs to show you’re dead old …how about giving a shit about the garden? Or noticing your face looks like it needs ironing when you get out of bed in the morning? Or feeling really smug if you manage to get TWO loads of washing dry on the line in one day? Or is that just me…
Worryingly I tick a lot of those boxes (including the awesome National Trust) and I’ve got a whole month left in the 25-34 category!!
Yes to all of the above except Top Shop because I’m too fat so maybe Primark. And we got National Trust membership a few months ago and I LOVE IT TOO! Woohoo! Yey to being half way to dead!
I found your list exciting. Just add the secret excitement of planning a day off work to clean, garden, craft and listen to the play on radio 4, and you’re there. Oh and not giving a sod what anyone thinks. It ain’t so bad and the shoes are more comfortable. Embrace it.
This made me laugh a lot, unfortunately I am still in the younger bracket and ticket most of those boxes. Thanks for always making me laugh though. Xx
….40?….Nearly dead? Just you wait young lady…;-). My mum always used to say ‘don’t start getting upset about your age…in 10 years you wont believe you were this young’…and boy was she right! However there are lots of advantages to being 3/4 dead…as I am at nearly 60…I can pretty much do what I like…including dying my hair pink and purple cos it suits me better than pepper and salt grey…sit on my own in a pub or cafe without feeling like a billy no mates..and without having to fend off eager young men…I can decide to change careers because no one but me is relying on my making any money…my kids are all grown up…and I can give my gorgeous granddaughter back to her dad when she grizzles! :-)
I swore black and blue (when I was in the 25-34 bracket) that I would always embrace new and emerging technology and NOT whinge/complain/generally annoy anyone in the vicinity who care to listen, about new tech like my OLD parents did. Now I have a mini stroke when ever the bloody iPhone has a software update which is every 5 minutes :(( I want to cry.
Ha! Love these. Have to add… You know you’re getting old when most of the pictures you post on social media are not of yourself anymore. Mine are of two small people who look vaguely like me. Much naughtier than I ever was, of course ;)
All of the above!
OMG. We got NT membership last month. I’m even paying it on direct debit. I go around telling everyone, ‘It’s only £8 a month!’
SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW AND TAKE ME TO A NIGHTCLUB.
Ha, this is so true, Katie. As someone who fits into the 35-44 age group for only a few more months, this is basically my life story for the past few years. I’m not sure when I started buying half my stuff in M&S, but I do. I *only* go to kids’ parties these days and *only* go to the cinema to watch kids’ films. And I’ve just bought my first “… for Dummies” book for myself because, well, I am a techno-dummy these days. On the bright side, it won’t be long until my memory starts failing and I can no longer remember what it was like to be 25 …
I have ticked off most of the things on your list but have one of my own to add – I love when the fridge is nearly empty when I get back with the weekly shop as opposed to it just used to be empty all the time cause I was always out!!
Do miss the old days though ;o)
Am so with you on all of these things!! And I’m up the other end of the age bracket already – it’s not too bad here I promise!
I fully embraced being 40 – celebrated for the entire year!
I am a Chartered Accountant with a maths degree and am a Director of a multi million pound construction company – but I still have to get my almost 12 year old to sort out any IT related issues for me – I am turning into my mother……………
Katie – you really really really need to start going to garden centres. Doesn’t even matter if you don’t have a garden. It’s a whole world of 35+ pleasure you never even knew about. One day, you will find yourself saying to someone “no, that’s not a crocosmia, that’s an agapanthus” and while realising that his means you are finally old, you will nevertheless feel invincible.
We’ll never be as young as we are now!
And that’s a quote from a song by 5 Seconds of Summer – who I really shouldn’t be listening to at my age.
Keep saying fuck it till you kick the bucket. That’s my motto.
Confidence comes with age and a good pant liner .
Strangely, I feel so much better after reading this post. Liberated.
I too get excited by nice-washing-drying weather and I’m forever checking my weather app to see when the nicest-washing-drying day will be. I’m also with you on the 99% kids party ratio, I don’t even care that my kids have a better social life then me. I’m too tired for one anyway. I gave up on Big Brother 2 series ago.
Great post :) your blog never fails to make me smile.
I’m 27 and agree with 99% of this!
The national trust and pyjama shopping have no age limits :)
Haha! Katie — this made me laugh. The 25-34 bracket is so last year anyway (or in my case a few before that). 35+ is definitely where it’s at.
At least I don’t have to pretend to like Big Brother now. Huge congrats on making the BiBs final lovely — well deserved xx
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
It’s like I’m looking in the mirror!
I have M&S elasticated waist black trousers for work…Two pairs or course. Panicked and bought a third just Incase they ever stopped stocking them!!
I love it when people cancel plans so I can take my bra off and sit on my recliner getting merry….which I pay for days later.
I went to a hen do two weeks ago and a random man kissed my cheek. I immediately thought he was a serial killer and ran away. I was in bed by 11. Headache lasted 4 days.
Hilarious as always! X
Oh god, I’m 21 and I see myself in this post. Most of my clothes come from supermarkets and my idea of a good time is somewhere where I can get a cup of tea and Elliot can go down a slide. I used to spend my mornings making sure my make-up was perfectly blended and now I spend them making sure the toothpaste and ready brek stains are wiped off my jeans. Mostly wiped off my jeans. Flicking the chunks off and living with the rest.
I really am getting old…
I relate to far too many of these points. I don’t even look in Top Shop these days and even find Zara totally depressing. I buy Next jeans almost exclusively although M&S Jeggings are brilliant. Leggings under tunics and dresses are the best invention ever now so I can feel comfy and have my tummy pulled in and look vaguely girly….I mean womanly! I read Psychologies magazine rather than Heat. I do find plenty to watch on Sky though. I can’t actually remember the last part I went to without children but to be honest I couldn’t be bothered with a grown up party anyway especially if it hasn’t got a pass the parcel that’s contrived to ensure everyone wins a prize.
Ha! All so true. I’m still regretting not buying a duplicate pair of slippers after a two-year quest to find some that I didn’t hate.
Ha! I love it when I think I’m young enough to go out with a load of 20 yr olds until about 23 minutes into the evening when I realise I only want to go to bars that serve wine and I just don’t want to wear a pair of shorts that don’t cover my vagina.
Oh god, I can tick most (all) of the items on your checklist. Plus, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I’m no longer in the 25-34 age bracket. God I’m depressed. Where’s the wine!?
so funny and yet i agree with you lol! i love my slippers and pj’s. I go for comfy rather then trend alot! I’d rather a cup of tea to alcohol and why is it i don’t recognize the new celebrities or new music groups i hear on the radio – i tend to listen to heart rather than kiss nowadays *sigh* oh dear i’m getting old too lol!
I love it, M&S is underrated andI am the embarrassing one when we go out!
I was nodding along to most of those things, but I am 41! Almost 42, now that is a head wreck. In my mind, I am still 27 (my go-to age) although I have not been able to pull 27 off for 14 years. Ok and now I have just realised that I am now going to sit in a corner and sob for the rest of the day.
p.s. M&S jeans are the BEST. I have several pairs.
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Too funny Katie, I do all those things and more! The only bit I didn’t laugh at, is you crying at being more like a 44 year. What, may I ask, is wrong with that? I’m only hanging onto the 35-44 year old category, by a thread! Thanks for brightening my day. Not. x x
Brilliant! This made me laugh out loud at work, when I should be doing serious work stuff! We’ve just got a national trust membership and it literally was the most exciting this that’s happened in ages :)
Love this… The good news is, you can upgrade to Windows 10 FOC at the moment. Another great read. Thank you.
That’s so funny and very true. My mummy is 35 this year and after reading this feels very old! We went to NT Mottisfont today and she was smug handing over her membership card!! Oops