Although there are many good things about school, including the main benefit of free childcare, there are also some negatives… basically having to be there every day. On time. Not in your pyjamas.
I am pretty lucky in our household really though, J gets the kids up and does their breakfast so I can get washed and ready in peace. Being A LADY it does obviously take me more time to, you know, style my hair, apply make up, select a stylish yet practical outfit and generally look like I have my sh*t together.
Don’t hate me though – my littlest is often awake at a time starting with 5 and I am the one who can’t get back to sleep for being kicked in the head repeatedly.
It’s not all plain sailing though, I am responsible for the duh duh duh SCHOOL RUN and to be honest I’m not a fan. In the before school times I used to enjoy our lazy mornings pootling about in our pants before deciding what to do for the day. Now that we all have to wear actual clothes things seem to have gone down hill.
And whilst we are distracted with the task in hand the toddler always seems to be doing something incredibly, incredibly annoying.
As an aside – how the hell do you clean shampoo out of the carpet?! Whatever I do it just seems to bubble up into an even worse big bubbly mess.
Well we are obviously going to be late now, you see I need to factor in at least 10 minutes for the delightful getting shoes on
stand off conversation.
Me: Can you get your shoes on please?
The Boy: Do you want to be the pink ranger Mummy?
Me: No I want you to get your shoes on.
The Boy: I’m RED RANGER, Let’s go SUPER MEGA FORCE MODE! HIIIIIYAH!!
Me: Shoes. Now. Please.
The Boy: I can’t do them today because I’m so poorly. I can’t move my legs or walk or anything.
Me: What’s wrong with your legs? The looked fine a second ago when you were karate kicking your brother…
The Boy: They have a really, really bad cut. Look.
Me: Hmmm can’t see anything.
The Boy: You need to look REAL close. OWWWWWWWW.
CRASSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH. Like clockwork the massive tub of Lego is emptied all over the floor.
He’s right. I will. But now we have to dash because we really are going to be very late.
ARGHHH – the school run has decided to rain on us in such a timely fashion that it seems highly probable that it is doing it ON PURPOSE.
‘Why d’ya gotta rain on us at exactly drop off time and pick up time?! Are you out to get us SCHOOL RUN?! Huh?! Huh?! ANSWER ME!’
The school run is not a real person, I do know that. I’m just feeling a little bit unhinged lately, I hope you understand.
I sort of wish it was a real person though as I’d really like to kick it in the shins.
Psssssst my new book is out NOW in all good bookshops and supermarkets or you can nab copies from Amazon here :)
If you like you can also come drink gin with me on my book tour! Dates and locations are here