Although there are many good things about school, including the main benefit of free childcare, there are also some negatives… basically having to be there every day. On time. Not in your pyjamas.
I am pretty lucky in our household really though, J gets the kids up and does their breakfast so I can get washed and ready in peace. Being A LADY it does obviously take me more time to, you know, style my hair, apply make up, select a stylish yet practical outfit and generally look like I have my sh*t together.
Don’t hate me though – my littlest is often awake at a time starting with 5 and I am the one who can’t get back to sleep for being kicked in the head repeatedly.
It’s not all plain sailing though, I am responsible for the duh duh duh SCHOOL RUN and to be honest I’m not a fan. In the before school times I used to enjoy our lazy mornings pootling about in our pants before deciding what to do for the day. Now that we all have to wear actual clothes things seem to have gone down hill.
And whilst we are distracted with the task in hand the toddler always seems to be doing something incredibly, incredibly annoying.
As an aside – how the hell do you clean shampoo out of the carpet?! Whatever I do it just seems to bubble up into an even worse big bubbly mess.
Well we are obviously going to be late now, you see I need to factor in at least 10 minutes for the delightful getting shoes on
stand off conversation.
Me: Can you get your shoes on please?
The Boy: Do you want to be the pink ranger Mummy?
Me: No I want you to get your shoes on.
The Boy: I’m RED RANGER, Let’s go SUPER MEGA FORCE MODE! HIIIIIYAH!!
Me: Shoes. Now. Please.
The Boy: I can’t do them today because I’m so poorly. I can’t move my legs or walk or anything.
Me: What’s wrong with your legs? The looked fine a second ago when you were karate kicking your brother…
The Boy: They have a really, really bad cut. Look.
Me: Hmmm can’t see anything.
The Boy: You need to look REAL close. OWWWWWWWW.
CRASSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH. Like clockwork the massive tub of Lego is emptied all over the floor.
He’s right. I will. But now we have to dash because we really are going to be very late.
ARGHHH – the school run has decided to rain on us in such a timely fashion that it seems highly probable that it is doing it ON PURPOSE.
‘Why d’ya gotta rain on us at exactly drop off time and pick up time?! Are you out to get us SCHOOL RUN?! Huh?! Huh?! ANSWER ME!’
The school run is not a real person, I do know that. I’m just feeling a little bit unhinged lately, I hope you understand.
I sort of wish it was a real person though as I’d really like to kick it in the shins.
**************P.S. I have a new book OUT NOW! You can nab it on Amazon here or in your lovely local bookshop :)
I get to this time of year and actually look forward to the holidays so I don’t have to deal with the school run. Seriously – everyday we have a major, complete family bust up over shoes – every sodding day!
That feeling of it being over lasts until about 10.30 on the first morning so the holidays!
You mean I can’t send them in Jim-jams!!!! Oh brilliant. Looks like I’ve got loads to look forward to in September then when my girlie starts big school!! AND it’ll be the dreaded ‘bers’! Which means it’s bound to flipping well rain! Thanks for the heads up though! Steph xxx
I am yet to enter the jaws of hell that is the school run, I find the pre-school run with a 9 month in tow bad enough, and I don’t have to worry about fecking uniform. I am sure that pre-school is really there to prepare us parents for the school years, the kids are just the sacrificial lambs for this greater purpose.
I empathise with the lego a) I hate it b) I sometimes “accidentally” suck up the small bits with the hoover c)My small girl has discovered the phrase “mummy do it”. And like in your house, she is right, I invariably will – later, with booze in hand (for medicinal purposes, it eases the strain on my back).
Factor in a moody 14 year old boy and an 8.44am train and that’s pressure. Nope it doesn’t get any better. I feel your pain.
Our school has a policy of “If they’re not dressed, send them in their pyjamas”. It might be unofficial, but I asked and that’s what the teacher told me, so I’m sticking with it.
Gosh the school run can be a nightmare. My eldest is good at getting ready quickly but my youngest can take 10 minutes to put her knickers on.
I loathe the school run too!Spend 20 minutes shouting for my 3 year old to walk faster and it doesn’t matter how early we leave she will always drag it out and I end up scooping her up ending up with me being a hot sweaty mess by the time we get there.Grrrrr x
TEETH! SHOES! Why haven’t you got your socks on yet? SOCKS! Well get off the toilet then. Where’s your bag/water bottle/coat?
Arrive at school. “Oh yeah Mum, I forgot. It’s non uniform day.”
“It’s castle day and we have to dress as peasants”
“I have to bring in a pound”
Every sodding day.
Well I would say you’re having a serious lie-in if your morning starts at 7.50. It’s 6.50 here!! I HATE mornings, I really do. And ones characterised by Lego explosions and shoe stand offs, are the worst. X
Absolutely love this! I was a teacher before I was a mummy and I used to look at half dressed children and frazzled parents and think, “why not just get up sooner?” Now as a mummy of two I know the hell of the school run, or trying to get anywhere before midday! If your child gets to school before 10am and you’ve managed not to throttle them, you’re doing a great job
Voted! Your posts always crack me up! It’s like you know my life. Honest parenting rocks.
I feel the pain of school drop offs esp with two preschoolers in tow! I feel like a broken record “miss 6, get dressed, master 4, put your shoes on, why aren’t you dressed yet? You haven’t had breakfast? What have you been doing the last 20 mins while I fed and dressed your brothers? Don’t write a card now we’re just about to leave and you’re still not dressed!” Occasionally I can get everyone dressed and ready on time but it takes FOREVER for the three of them to get into the car, fight over who’s sitting in which car seat and then stay still enough to buckle them in… By which time we’re late.
Only a billion reasons? Huh. My 5-year-old went through this phase every morning in kindergarten last year where she was convinced her socks were crooked and couldn’t possibly put her shoes on until I fixed it. No. Not like that. Still crooked. Nope. STILL crooked. It thankfully ended, but I have no idea what the measure ever was for acceptably straight socks.
Genius and on the money as always, so funny x
They never have a reason to rush to school. Unless you give the one. Motivate them to start moving. Remind them that they are going to see their friends at school.
I do do love your illustrations, they make n giggle. We don’t have too much stress these days with school runs its the actual run that I hate it’s 25 mins each way and I do it at least 4 times sometimes six it’s do damn boring!!
Crying with laughter as usual. Thank you. Not that I would wish it on ANYONE else. But thank you. X
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