Baby loss Archives -

Today is 4 years since we said goodbye to you.

I still think about you, although not many people would realise that or understand. I still wonder what if? Every time I read in the paper of a baby who defied the odds and survived I wonder if the doctors may have got it wrong in our case.

Should we have given you a chance – didn’t you at least deserve a chance?

You looked perfect to me on the scan. I breathed a deep sigh of relief to see your little heart beating away. Your perfect little hands and feet waving around and your face, so beautiful, with a little button nose.

But they saw what we could not – we needed more tests, more scans. We spent weeks in limbo, not knowing, it was the worst kind of hell.

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This is some thing that is close to my heart. As much as i try and take an objective view when i hear about people talk about being disappointed when they find out the sex of their baby at a scan, i can’t help but feel the anger start to bubble a little bit.

I can’t imagine going to scan and being told you are carrying a healthy boy or girl and feeling disappointment. Its heartbreaking to think that when some parents see their perfect baby, for one of the first times, the overriding emotion is sadness.

It seems to be that for some reason a lot of women are desperate to have a girl. In the majority of cases i read or hear about it’s often that the women in question is pregnant with a boy. I have two boys myself and here are some of the questions/comments i have had…

‘Oh i bet your hoping for a little girl this time round’ – nope

‘Would you have another so you could try for a girl next time?’ – nope i would only ever have a child because i wanted ‘a child’.

‘two boys – oh’ ?!?!?!?

It’s as if people expect me to be disappointed with my boys. That somehow my family is substandard as i don’t have the perfect set up of one of each.