Reader problems – How do I dress my baby appropriately in cold weather?

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Question
‘It seems too cold out for a normal coat, but when people see my baby dressed in a snowsuit they tell me he will get too hot. I also get told to take off his hat in shops but i don’t like to disturb him if he is asleep. What should i do?’ (Anon, 31)

Answer
Firstly don’t feel bad, you can’t possibly be expected to make such a critical judgement for yourself. The best thing to do is to bring several different outfit changes with you when you leave the house and adjust layering based on public opinion.

It might seem rude and unnecessary for people to comment on your choice of attire but they are only acting in interest of your babies safety. Learn to appreciate genuine concern.

Never make excuses. Yes your baby may be asleep but you should always remove their outerwear the minute you cross the threshold of a shop. It doesn’t matter if you are only popping in for a tube of toothpaste, babies have been known to spontaneously combust from overheating within 5 minutes. FACT.

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A Family Portrait for January

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If i could sum January up in one word it would probably be broken – the car, the TV, the boiler (twice), Finn McMissile’s wing mirrors, my attempt at a dry January (a ridiculous notion to be fair), the hook on the back of our bedroom door that i hang my dressing gown on (a minor grievance to most but one that is causing me more upset than it should – i just don’t have anywhere else to put it and its of the massive fluffy variety.)

I also discovered yesterday that a big pile of leaves in the garden that i had been meaning to (get J to) clear for a while is being used as a toilet facility for the neighborhood cats. Now its just a huge cat shit/leaf combo. That has rounded the month off nicely.

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Expensive Looking Arms

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Of late we have had quite a bad run of luck in our household which has included a car crash that was not my fault probably my fault, the boiler packing in and the cat starting to randomly shit behind the TV (again).

On top of this the Gro Clock that i used to worship at the alter of, seems to have malfunctioned. The sun now winks at me mockingly each bedtime as if to say ‘lol – you’ll be lucky!’ and the moon needs that smug, self-satisfied smirk wiping right off his stupid round face.

Too tired to do much else we permit the older one into bed with us as long as he abides by the rules of no whinging for milk, kicking, or conversing until 6am. Of course he oscillates wildly between each, often breaching all three simultaneously.

The conversation is always the most difficult to block out as he seems to store up incredibly curious quips to tempt me from my slumber. On Saturday in particular, he had a proper gem:-

[To set the scene – It’s too early in the morning, the boy has been in our bed irritating me for some time. His father sleeps, largely oblivious, as per fricking usual]

‘Mummy your arms are………….so………..expensive looking’

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Babies don’t keep

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Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

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Mummy Bricks

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It’s a thankless task at the best of times, motherhood.

From the day your child is born you feed, rock and change, feed, rock, and change on repeat only to be met with escalating cries and projectile bodily fluids.

Then they grow, start to move, and you take on the role of FUN POLICE; thwarting their efforts to repeatedly thwack the TV, reprogram the washing machine and/or pluck the cat.

You throw craft projects, trips to the park and ice-cream at them and still, they are not happy. Nothing is ever good/long/plentiful enough.

Words start to tumble from their lips and inform you that the home cooked meal you spent an hour preparing is ‘Yukky’, the birthday present carefully chosen by a loving relative is ‘RUBBISH!’ and your new hair cut makes you look like a ‘Poo head’.

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Baby S’s birth story.

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I’ve written Little F’s birth story and have been meaning to do the same for my youngest boy for a fair while. No more delays, here it is!

On the 11th February 2013 in the late evening i started getting some braxton hicks, I’d had heaps in this pregnancy in comparison to the grand total of zero i got with F, so i didn’t think much of it and i was able to sleep just fine.

On the morning of the 12th J had to be up in London for a meeting and i had a hair appointment. The BH were continuing but for some inane reason i still didn’t think it was the real thing (exactly what i said last time, when i was also wrong). I convinced J it was fine to go and that he would be back in plenty of time regardless, so off he trundled to the station.

Meanwhile i focused on the more important matter of getting get my roots done, yep i may have been in early labour but when the hell else was i going to be able to get them done if not then? Plus if I was going to look tired, and make up free in birth photos the least i wanted was one tone hair.

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shortly before bump became baby

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‘I will never leave you’

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Me and F had a conversation the other day, I’m not quite sure how it started but we were talking about families…

‘When you grow up you might want to get married like mummy and daddy.’

‘What? What’s married?’

‘It’s when you find a best friend and you want to live with them and be with them forever.’

*Long pause as TINY MIND IS BLOWN, followed by scared look*

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A Dry January Diary

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Yep i’m still not bored of making labels just yet

Although it goes against every fiber or my being i have been attempting a Dry January. The very existence of the word ‘attempting’ may give you a clue as to the confidence i had within myself at the start of the month.

Here is a diary of my Journey so far:-

1st – Had lots of wine over lunch. I don’t think it can be seriously expected that people abstain on actual New Years Day. Dry January starts on the second. Obviously,
2nd – Abstained.
3rd – Abstained again – wow this is easy!
4th – Today is my birthday eve. We had a rare night out which, yes, included alcohol but who could begrudge me that?
5th – My actual birthday so see above. Perfectly allowed.
6th – Abstained.
7th – Abstained.
8th – Abstained.
9th – Tempted to give in but abstained – impressed by myself! 4th night running :)
10th – Friday night. I am exceptionally tempted to give in. J shouts from the kitchen ‘do you want a wine or a coke?‘ I say ‘coke’ (honestly) and the next thing i know there is a large glass of glistening white deliciousness in front of me. Did he mishear me or was this divine intervention? Never mind. The more important matter is that a bottle of Marlborough’s finest Sauvignon Blanc has been opened and i am not one for waste.
11th – Still some left so……

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